I feel like you are asking a lot of me right now. You are trying to disturb me, to mess things up...this is no complaint, it is merely a thought based on Your character, Your Word, Your Son's life...I desire to be a fanatic, a radical, one who chases after You with all their heart. I feel unsure of so much right now. I feel pulled in different directions and all these voices speak to me, telling me to go after this or that. They aren't bad things to chase after, but these things, I don't know if they are Your will either.
I know I would love to buy a house, but are You asking me to stay where I am right now for a reason? Is there a reason why right now I feel You telling me to stay put and be happy? It's not that my desire for a house is a sinful desire, but I wonder, does this mean I am not content with what You have given me? Do I desire it more for my wife, as a husband I want to give her great things!
AM I to stay at East Cary for another year if they will have me? Am I to leave and go for full-time ministry right now? My ultimate desire is full-time ministry indeed! Why do these things have to be tough?
I want to live my life following You, trusting You, living a life of a fanatic! I want to be devoted to You and I have to ask myself, am I doing that? DO I only highlight parts of the Bible I want to follow? Parts that I want to live out? Am I a fanatic who follows everything You have to say and offer?
Disturb me Father, that is my prayer, disturb me and form me into a Radical, a Fanatic, one who is covered in the dust of Your Son's sandles!
AMEN
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