To You

Lord,

I sit back today and see how much I have missed out on. I have allowed myself to go to a deep and dark place. I have allowed myself to stray from Your love and guidance. I treated You like Gomer treated Hosea and yet You love me. Though I want this to be a love letter back to You, I also want it to be an apology letter. I sinned, I sinned against You. I have felt the cold embrace of another "lover," an idol, something that entertained my mind and heart in place of You. This letter is about that and about how empty and dark I felt inside because of it. I feel joyless, I feel hollow, as if my whole reason for living in moot. Life with You is much better, but why did I run? Why did I cheat on You my Lord, my King? Why did I bow my knees to another master? I want to stay with You because You treat me with grace and mercy. You pour out blessings on me and all You ask in return is obedience. You ask that I seek Your Kingdom, to have You be the Ruler of my heart and yet I stray. Father, I know You will forgive me, I ask that You do, but I also ask that You bring about the discipline in my life to make me whole. Discipline me Lord to make me better, stronger, more like Your Son. Though I deserve punishment, Your Son paid for that on the cross. Thank You. I am wretched, I know this. I know that this sin has hurt my prayer life, my connection with You. I have not just strayed away but I chose to give You the cold shoulder too. Why? This should never be! Lord, forgive me, restore my joy, but restore my joy in You! Help me seek You every day, every chance I can because it is in You my Love, my God that I am whole and valuable.
AMEN