Father,
I want to be healed and I know my wife does too. It seems so often lately that has been the big topic or talk. So many people have said that we should pray for healing or that they have been praying for healing. Mom and dad want to take Miranda to the Alliance Church for prayer, asking for healing as well. Her healing is much more important than mine. I do ask that Father you heal her, make her much better and for the bleeding to stop. It kills me to see her down and stressed, worrying about all the things that come with this right now. I ask that you do heal her because I know you are capable of it. You healed the blind, lepers, the woman with internal bleeding, the man who had his ear cut off...you raised the dead! I know power is there, even in the Spirit, but we are still told to ask. You tell us to pray and ask you and that when we ask in faith you shall give. Here we are, praying for healing. Will you hear our prayer? Is there something we are missing? If so, write it strong and hard on our hearts (even if it is a sin) so we know how to please you. We do know faith pleases you, so help us remove the doubts from our hearts. Heal us Lord....ultimately, we want to be parents. Without your healing, we can't do that...may You get the glory!
AMEN
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Before the Big Game
Lord,
You are a God who deserves so much. I give You so little and I know that what I give You always isn't the best. Yet You love me. I thank You for helping me clean out the garbage in my own life and showing me all the ways I need to grow, through all the different ways You do it. You, I don't get You, I don't think I ever will. My mind would explode if I did...but that is why You are God and I am not. I am creation, You are Creator and You are a Creator who adores me for the fact that You are Love and You Love Yourself and all Your creations. Where would I be without You?
As Miranda and I talked a few nights back, I think honestly, where would I be without You? You saved me, saved my entire life and gave me purpose. I was lost, scared and searching for what would fill me up. What "filled" me up only left me even more hungrier than before. What I didn't know was that I was craving You. I needed You! I needed You to bring me peace and joy, a purpose and a life and man, Lord, You did!!
I also think back to the fact that I had nothing to do with it. You found ways to bring me to a church, to bring people into my life and to love me as Your Son does. You brought me into Your Kingdom because You are a God who rescues. You are a Savoir in every sense of the word.
Father, I implore You to help me. I need to know how to help lead my wife to victory. I know that it has to be by Your Power but I cannot fathom how to get her, or even myself to that point. I need You, I am desperate for You to give us both victory! You are the only way to victory.
I also ask that You watch over Tay, the kid I gave a ride home to the other day at Quizno's. I don't know if he is a believer or where he is with his walk with You but I pray that You will bring him into Your kingdom and that that small gesture of love can be a big blessing to Him.
Lord, I also ask that You be with Rob and Melissa. It kills me to think they are struggling in their marriage and that Melissa said she doesn't love him. It also kills me to think that Rob is hurting and that Rob is guilty of what she said. I do feel encouraged though that he was honest. God, they both need You and we both know that the only way to save their marriage is the only way to save their souls, and that is by Your Son, His blood, the death on cross - they need YOU!!! Please bring Rob into a close and wonderful relationship with Your Son so that he can lead Melissa to You as well and their children!! Break him and her if You need to, whatever it takes to save their souls and marriage. You are a God who hates divorce and wants us to be holy and to know You. Please!!!
Lord, let tomorrow be amazing at the 9/11 service. I want it to be standing room only!!! How amazing!!! I think that would be incredible!!! Lord, I also ask that tomorrow can be a huge blessing to those who come but that also as believers we can roll out the spiritual and loving red carpet to any new guests!! I want to make sure that we show them how united we are but also how much we want to work in the city of Raleigh in making Jesus famous.
Lord, thank You for my dad. I hate thinking that I have had so many thoughts lately about his death. I don't like it but that is because it scares me. I love my dad. I want to make him proud all the time. I want my dad to be pleased with his son and proud to call him that. I also know that I want my dad to see my first child and to be a blessing to that child. I want my dad to pray over my newborn. I want my dad to be involved with my child's life but it scares me with his age and health. I also don't want my dad to suffer. He is a strong man, stubborn sometimes, and he pushes hard. I am proud he is my dad. I want to be like him as I grow old. I thank You for him and for Marion. I thank You for rescuing my dad and giving me the opportunity, the honor, to baptize my dad! I love him and I love You!
AMEN
You are a God who deserves so much. I give You so little and I know that what I give You always isn't the best. Yet You love me. I thank You for helping me clean out the garbage in my own life and showing me all the ways I need to grow, through all the different ways You do it. You, I don't get You, I don't think I ever will. My mind would explode if I did...but that is why You are God and I am not. I am creation, You are Creator and You are a Creator who adores me for the fact that You are Love and You Love Yourself and all Your creations. Where would I be without You?
As Miranda and I talked a few nights back, I think honestly, where would I be without You? You saved me, saved my entire life and gave me purpose. I was lost, scared and searching for what would fill me up. What "filled" me up only left me even more hungrier than before. What I didn't know was that I was craving You. I needed You! I needed You to bring me peace and joy, a purpose and a life and man, Lord, You did!!
I also think back to the fact that I had nothing to do with it. You found ways to bring me to a church, to bring people into my life and to love me as Your Son does. You brought me into Your Kingdom because You are a God who rescues. You are a Savoir in every sense of the word.
Father, I implore You to help me. I need to know how to help lead my wife to victory. I know that it has to be by Your Power but I cannot fathom how to get her, or even myself to that point. I need You, I am desperate for You to give us both victory! You are the only way to victory.
I also ask that You watch over Tay, the kid I gave a ride home to the other day at Quizno's. I don't know if he is a believer or where he is with his walk with You but I pray that You will bring him into Your kingdom and that that small gesture of love can be a big blessing to Him.
Lord, I also ask that You be with Rob and Melissa. It kills me to think they are struggling in their marriage and that Melissa said she doesn't love him. It also kills me to think that Rob is hurting and that Rob is guilty of what she said. I do feel encouraged though that he was honest. God, they both need You and we both know that the only way to save their marriage is the only way to save their souls, and that is by Your Son, His blood, the death on cross - they need YOU!!! Please bring Rob into a close and wonderful relationship with Your Son so that he can lead Melissa to You as well and their children!! Break him and her if You need to, whatever it takes to save their souls and marriage. You are a God who hates divorce and wants us to be holy and to know You. Please!!!
Lord, let tomorrow be amazing at the 9/11 service. I want it to be standing room only!!! How amazing!!! I think that would be incredible!!! Lord, I also ask that tomorrow can be a huge blessing to those who come but that also as believers we can roll out the spiritual and loving red carpet to any new guests!! I want to make sure that we show them how united we are but also how much we want to work in the city of Raleigh in making Jesus famous.
Lord, thank You for my dad. I hate thinking that I have had so many thoughts lately about his death. I don't like it but that is because it scares me. I love my dad. I want to make him proud all the time. I want my dad to be pleased with his son and proud to call him that. I also know that I want my dad to see my first child and to be a blessing to that child. I want my dad to pray over my newborn. I want my dad to be involved with my child's life but it scares me with his age and health. I also don't want my dad to suffer. He is a strong man, stubborn sometimes, and he pushes hard. I am proud he is my dad. I want to be like him as I grow old. I thank You for him and for Marion. I thank You for rescuing my dad and giving me the opportunity, the honor, to baptize my dad! I love him and I love You!
AMEN
Teaching...
Father,
It astounds me the way you try to teach me. You teach me self-control and how to discipline myself from committing sin by having my wife be honest and brave and admit hers to me. How am I to lead when I am the sinner? How am I to help her when I am stuck in my own sin? You point out what I need to grow out of because I am free and I am yours. You are my master, sin is no longer in control of me. You guide, You push and You love me but I am a man who has a stubborn mind and a hard heart. I do not deserve Your Kingdom. I do know that You Spirit has sealed me for the day of redemption and that thanks to Your Son, I have eternal life, power over death, power to live freely.
I also know that You are a God who wants me to be devoted. Devoted to You, Your Kingdom, Your Son and Your Spirit. As I read Piper's book for class and I get to Chapter 9 about who the Christian man is to be devoted to prayer. Prayer should be the first thing we do every morning and every night before bed. Prayer shouldn't be something we do as we multi-task by driving, walking the dogs, doing dishes, though those are still good times to get in "extra" prayer. Prayer is something so great Piper says (Pretty much what the Bible says too) that it should consume the man to even forgo sleep, food, or the important parts of daily life because prayer is our connection with God. Father I have failed you at that. I do the multi-tasking prayer so much. I know today while I was mowing the lawn, I did that but my prayer was so choppy, skipping around here and there.
I know too that Lord I can get so busy that I forget to spend time in deep prayer. I find excuses, excuses that can be justified by the world, but not by You. I do not want to forgo those times and I beg You to continue to convict me and to push on with me, loving me, but leading me how to be a better, man, husband and pastor to all that I shepherd.
AMEN
It astounds me the way you try to teach me. You teach me self-control and how to discipline myself from committing sin by having my wife be honest and brave and admit hers to me. How am I to lead when I am the sinner? How am I to help her when I am stuck in my own sin? You point out what I need to grow out of because I am free and I am yours. You are my master, sin is no longer in control of me. You guide, You push and You love me but I am a man who has a stubborn mind and a hard heart. I do not deserve Your Kingdom. I do know that You Spirit has sealed me for the day of redemption and that thanks to Your Son, I have eternal life, power over death, power to live freely.
I also know that You are a God who wants me to be devoted. Devoted to You, Your Kingdom, Your Son and Your Spirit. As I read Piper's book for class and I get to Chapter 9 about who the Christian man is to be devoted to prayer. Prayer should be the first thing we do every morning and every night before bed. Prayer shouldn't be something we do as we multi-task by driving, walking the dogs, doing dishes, though those are still good times to get in "extra" prayer. Prayer is something so great Piper says (Pretty much what the Bible says too) that it should consume the man to even forgo sleep, food, or the important parts of daily life because prayer is our connection with God. Father I have failed you at that. I do the multi-tasking prayer so much. I know today while I was mowing the lawn, I did that but my prayer was so choppy, skipping around here and there.
I know too that Lord I can get so busy that I forget to spend time in deep prayer. I find excuses, excuses that can be justified by the world, but not by You. I do not want to forgo those times and I beg You to continue to convict me and to push on with me, loving me, but leading me how to be a better, man, husband and pastor to all that I shepherd.
AMEN
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tuesday August 9th, 2011
Abba Father,
I read the Simply Youth Ministry email today and I loved it. I loved it because it spoke truth, hard hitting truth that makes you take a gut check on how relationship with You. Last night too, I thought about that. I thought the one thing I lack greatly as a youth pastor is time spent with you praying about the youth you have given me. I know I need to get better at that. Well, my goal is to blog on here Lord, every day, especially about the youth and to know that by doing this I can spend more time with you, and I hope that it can be quality time too.
Father, I know that I am dealing with some type of anger issues of late. I feel stressed and impatient. I WANT to lose my cool, almost as if I am daring someone to give me a reason to blow my top and to go off on them. I told Miranda last night that the mood I feel that I am in is one that makes me want to just punch someone in the face to feel better. I can't explain why I feel this way but I know that Your way tells me not to do this. Your way is much better and calls me to be of a different spirit. Help me, help me repent from this sin of anger and sin of hostilaty.
I also ask that You keeo Your hands and eyes on my youth. I want to see them grow closer to You. I want them to fall in love with You. I want to see them give themselves over to Your Son to be used to build the Kingdom. I want to see them make smart, wise and good choices that model Your will. I want to see Ashlynn chase after You because she is going the other way. I want to see Drew recover well from his surgery and continue to let go of his anger and to break him into being such a loving servant. I want to see Tyler's dating life be something pleasing to You. I want to see his relationship with Hayley be pure, and kept clean. I want to see Ryan continue to grow, to mature, to fix his eyes on Your Son and to chase after Him. I would love to see Ryan become a huge part in building Your Kingdom. I want to see our middle school ministry grow. We are hurting with only Jane and Sophie, meeting only on Sunday mornings. I want to see them bring 1 friend/person to our middle school night out at Frankie's. How awesome would it be to see our middle school youth grow from the outside-in.
Also, Lord, I want to see my sister recover from her surgery last night. I want to see her healthy, recovering, especially with all she has going on with her life right between working, school and being a mother. I just ask that she can be encouraged through this and know that she is loved dearly. I also ask that you take care of mom and dad with all that they have going on with their health, finances and cars. They have blessed Miranda and I greatly and I want to see them rewarded and blessed 100 times over for all they do. They are generous and loving and care deeply. They look after us, call us, pray for us, encourage us and I am grateful for them. Thank You for them.
Thank You for all you do, honestly, who would love me for al my sins and for all my shortcomings and the lack of desire I can have. You love me so much, You promise to see me through the rough times and I am grateful for the fact You have not left my side.
AMEN
I read the Simply Youth Ministry email today and I loved it. I loved it because it spoke truth, hard hitting truth that makes you take a gut check on how relationship with You. Last night too, I thought about that. I thought the one thing I lack greatly as a youth pastor is time spent with you praying about the youth you have given me. I know I need to get better at that. Well, my goal is to blog on here Lord, every day, especially about the youth and to know that by doing this I can spend more time with you, and I hope that it can be quality time too.
Father, I know that I am dealing with some type of anger issues of late. I feel stressed and impatient. I WANT to lose my cool, almost as if I am daring someone to give me a reason to blow my top and to go off on them. I told Miranda last night that the mood I feel that I am in is one that makes me want to just punch someone in the face to feel better. I can't explain why I feel this way but I know that Your way tells me not to do this. Your way is much better and calls me to be of a different spirit. Help me, help me repent from this sin of anger and sin of hostilaty.
I also ask that You keeo Your hands and eyes on my youth. I want to see them grow closer to You. I want them to fall in love with You. I want to see them give themselves over to Your Son to be used to build the Kingdom. I want to see them make smart, wise and good choices that model Your will. I want to see Ashlynn chase after You because she is going the other way. I want to see Drew recover well from his surgery and continue to let go of his anger and to break him into being such a loving servant. I want to see Tyler's dating life be something pleasing to You. I want to see his relationship with Hayley be pure, and kept clean. I want to see Ryan continue to grow, to mature, to fix his eyes on Your Son and to chase after Him. I would love to see Ryan become a huge part in building Your Kingdom. I want to see our middle school ministry grow. We are hurting with only Jane and Sophie, meeting only on Sunday mornings. I want to see them bring 1 friend/person to our middle school night out at Frankie's. How awesome would it be to see our middle school youth grow from the outside-in.
Also, Lord, I want to see my sister recover from her surgery last night. I want to see her healthy, recovering, especially with all she has going on with her life right between working, school and being a mother. I just ask that she can be encouraged through this and know that she is loved dearly. I also ask that you take care of mom and dad with all that they have going on with their health, finances and cars. They have blessed Miranda and I greatly and I want to see them rewarded and blessed 100 times over for all they do. They are generous and loving and care deeply. They look after us, call us, pray for us, encourage us and I am grateful for them. Thank You for them.
Thank You for all you do, honestly, who would love me for al my sins and for all my shortcomings and the lack of desire I can have. You love me so much, You promise to see me through the rough times and I am grateful for the fact You have not left my side.
AMEN
Friday, July 29, 2011
To You
Lord,
I sit back today and see how much I have missed out on. I have allowed myself to go to a deep and dark place. I have allowed myself to stray from Your love and guidance. I treated You like Gomer treated Hosea and yet You love me. Though I want this to be a love letter back to You, I also want it to be an apology letter. I sinned, I sinned against You. I have felt the cold embrace of another "lover," an idol, something that entertained my mind and heart in place of You. This letter is about that and about how empty and dark I felt inside because of it. I feel joyless, I feel hollow, as if my whole reason for living in moot. Life with You is much better, but why did I run? Why did I cheat on You my Lord, my King? Why did I bow my knees to another master? I want to stay with You because You treat me with grace and mercy. You pour out blessings on me and all You ask in return is obedience. You ask that I seek Your Kingdom, to have You be the Ruler of my heart and yet I stray. Father, I know You will forgive me, I ask that You do, but I also ask that You bring about the discipline in my life to make me whole. Discipline me Lord to make me better, stronger, more like Your Son. Though I deserve punishment, Your Son paid for that on the cross. Thank You. I am wretched, I know this. I know that this sin has hurt my prayer life, my connection with You. I have not just strayed away but I chose to give You the cold shoulder too. Why? This should never be! Lord, forgive me, restore my joy, but restore my joy in You! Help me seek You every day, every chance I can because it is in You my Love, my God that I am whole and valuable.
AMEN
I sit back today and see how much I have missed out on. I have allowed myself to go to a deep and dark place. I have allowed myself to stray from Your love and guidance. I treated You like Gomer treated Hosea and yet You love me. Though I want this to be a love letter back to You, I also want it to be an apology letter. I sinned, I sinned against You. I have felt the cold embrace of another "lover," an idol, something that entertained my mind and heart in place of You. This letter is about that and about how empty and dark I felt inside because of it. I feel joyless, I feel hollow, as if my whole reason for living in moot. Life with You is much better, but why did I run? Why did I cheat on You my Lord, my King? Why did I bow my knees to another master? I want to stay with You because You treat me with grace and mercy. You pour out blessings on me and all You ask in return is obedience. You ask that I seek Your Kingdom, to have You be the Ruler of my heart and yet I stray. Father, I know You will forgive me, I ask that You do, but I also ask that You bring about the discipline in my life to make me whole. Discipline me Lord to make me better, stronger, more like Your Son. Though I deserve punishment, Your Son paid for that on the cross. Thank You. I am wretched, I know this. I know that this sin has hurt my prayer life, my connection with You. I have not just strayed away but I chose to give You the cold shoulder too. Why? This should never be! Lord, forgive me, restore my joy, but restore my joy in You! Help me seek You every day, every chance I can because it is in You my Love, my God that I am whole and valuable.
AMEN
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Today's Prayee
Father,
Thank you for a beautiful day, time to walk the dogs with my wife and a tasty breakfast! I have enjoyed my day and I thank you for it.
Tonight is our downtown Raleigh Life Group and I pray that Father you will anoint my lips and heart with Your Spirit so that when I teach, it is Your words that come out, Your guidance and leadership being shown. I pray that we can have fun, but even more so, that we can be encouraging and uplifting to one another. I want to see our life group grow, in numbers but as well as spiritually and I thank you for last week with how much Amber shared. That was pretty awesome!! I also thank you for Jay and the lunches I have been able to grab with him. I have enjoyed some guy time with him.
I pray too for our core group, that tonight I can be honest, that we can continue to cheer each other on and continue to not be afraid and to share what is on our heart. I thank you for the fact I am done with Jeremiah now and I look forward to reading the NT once again. I pray that tonight at Core, it can be radical and we can challenge each other again.
I also want to thank you for taking care of my dog Emma. The meds and that shot have helped her a lot. Thanks to the Vets letting me pay half too, You have blessed me. Thank you for always providing though lately it has been through my dad. Thank You Lord for doing that.
Lord I pray too for Caitlyn, that you will continue to heal her heart, restore her to Yourself, and the church. I pray that she will be used in a huge way to impact Your Kingdom. I pray too Father that if You are willing, that You bring her back as a youth intern of some kind. I add to that that You will give her wisdom in what to do with her life, job and relationships.
I also thank you for two great nights with my wife and I am so overjoyed that she started reading Psalms today. I was pleased to see her sit down and dig in. I ask that Father You continue to walk her through this spiritual dryness, through this desert that she is walking and help lead her out of it stronger and more in love with You. I pray that Father You will help give me the love and leadership skills needed to guide her through this and to be a shining example for her in the future.
I ask that You watch over my youth leaders and that You grow them up, making them look more and more like Your Son daily. I ask that You give them grace and strength as they deal with their own personal struggles and sins. I ask that You bring them through whatever obstacles that are in their way and make them out to be leaders who impact Your Kingdom for the youth now and in the future.
I also ask that you help my youth grow up into their salvation with fear and trembling. I pray that they crave You, crave and yearn for a deeper relationship with You and that our youth as a whole would be united, encouraging one another in truth and love. I ask that they look out for one another, to keep each other out of and away from sin. I pray for their personal struggles as well, that You, in Your grace help them through their time of need. I pray that You do the same for me.
AMEN
Thank you for a beautiful day, time to walk the dogs with my wife and a tasty breakfast! I have enjoyed my day and I thank you for it.
Tonight is our downtown Raleigh Life Group and I pray that Father you will anoint my lips and heart with Your Spirit so that when I teach, it is Your words that come out, Your guidance and leadership being shown. I pray that we can have fun, but even more so, that we can be encouraging and uplifting to one another. I want to see our life group grow, in numbers but as well as spiritually and I thank you for last week with how much Amber shared. That was pretty awesome!! I also thank you for Jay and the lunches I have been able to grab with him. I have enjoyed some guy time with him.
I pray too for our core group, that tonight I can be honest, that we can continue to cheer each other on and continue to not be afraid and to share what is on our heart. I thank you for the fact I am done with Jeremiah now and I look forward to reading the NT once again. I pray that tonight at Core, it can be radical and we can challenge each other again.
I also want to thank you for taking care of my dog Emma. The meds and that shot have helped her a lot. Thanks to the Vets letting me pay half too, You have blessed me. Thank you for always providing though lately it has been through my dad. Thank You Lord for doing that.
Lord I pray too for Caitlyn, that you will continue to heal her heart, restore her to Yourself, and the church. I pray that she will be used in a huge way to impact Your Kingdom. I pray too Father that if You are willing, that You bring her back as a youth intern of some kind. I add to that that You will give her wisdom in what to do with her life, job and relationships.
I also thank you for two great nights with my wife and I am so overjoyed that she started reading Psalms today. I was pleased to see her sit down and dig in. I ask that Father You continue to walk her through this spiritual dryness, through this desert that she is walking and help lead her out of it stronger and more in love with You. I pray that Father You will help give me the love and leadership skills needed to guide her through this and to be a shining example for her in the future.
I ask that You watch over my youth leaders and that You grow them up, making them look more and more like Your Son daily. I ask that You give them grace and strength as they deal with their own personal struggles and sins. I ask that You bring them through whatever obstacles that are in their way and make them out to be leaders who impact Your Kingdom for the youth now and in the future.
I also ask that you help my youth grow up into their salvation with fear and trembling. I pray that they crave You, crave and yearn for a deeper relationship with You and that our youth as a whole would be united, encouraging one another in truth and love. I ask that they look out for one another, to keep each other out of and away from sin. I pray for their personal struggles as well, that You, in Your grace help them through their time of need. I pray that You do the same for me.
AMEN
Monday, July 18, 2011
Never say Never
Lord, today I feel like I am some sort of tail spin. Sitting down and just speaking my thoughts are no help. Words, this blog, this seems to come much easier right now. I am confused, scared, somewhat...but more than anything I seem to be at a lack of knowing what to do. I don't know what to do, how to lead, how to love, how to look like your Son with the situation that is going on.
My wife is hurting, for two weeks at least, she is unsure of what to do, what to say, unsure of her relationship with You. She hasn't done a quiet time in over 2 weeks, hasn't journal'd to you in that same amount of time. She hates everything, her own words, and isn't sure what to do. She is upset with me, upset with everyone and wants me to help her but is upset that I haven't yet.
I know I am a guy, I can be dense, I have also tried to handle this the way that she has asked me to from past arguments and fights. For doing that this time, however, and is upset that I didn't come out and ask her what's wrong. In the past, she gets upset if I push, if I ask, so I didn't. I waited for her to be ready to talk. Today I was accused of not loving her. Lord, You know I love her, I adore her. I am not perfect though. I feel that I am blameless in this situation, that accusation however, I will eat crow if asked. I would rather see unity, see peace and restoration in this than for me to claim blameslessness. I don't know what to do.
I will say that I want my resolve to be strengthened in that I will love her, never give up on her and to fight for her to be back at peace and rightness with You. Where do I start? I feel like I failed her though. I could have, should have prayed for her every day, not just every day but good, quality prayers, consuming time, energy and my strength. She is my wife and I am to treat her and love her as Christ, Your Son, loved the church. I failed to do that. Her condition, her heart and soul may be far from You and I admit, I am partial to blame. Where was her hsuband praying for her, praying that she would be lifted high, praying that she would be in right union with You, growing close to You. Lord, I failed her, I failed You.
Though I failed, I am not willing to sulk in that failure. I recognize that I need You and she needs You. She needs You more than me, but she also needs a Godly man, one who is willing to fight for her and to not give up on her. Help me, give MORE than JUST wisdom, I need compassion, love, patience, I need Your Spirit being bold, being shown, speaking through me, touching the heart of my wife, impacting her heart and her soul. I need to be close to You, to chase after You and I ask that You help my wife do the same. Help me love her right now, because I am weak to do so on my own. I am weak and sinful. I am wretched. It would be easier to leave, to flee, to quit on her, but it is the flesh that says that. It is the heart of a sinful man that shares that as options. Your Spirit, who sealed me for the day of redemption, Your Spirit that lives within me, the Helper, sent by Christ, Your Spirit says to do differently. Lead me Spirit, lead me in loving this creation of yours, this child, this daughter that has a rightful place in Your Son's inheritance. This daughter of Yours is my wife and You love her more than I do. Help me Lord.
AMEN
My wife is hurting, for two weeks at least, she is unsure of what to do, what to say, unsure of her relationship with You. She hasn't done a quiet time in over 2 weeks, hasn't journal'd to you in that same amount of time. She hates everything, her own words, and isn't sure what to do. She is upset with me, upset with everyone and wants me to help her but is upset that I haven't yet.
I know I am a guy, I can be dense, I have also tried to handle this the way that she has asked me to from past arguments and fights. For doing that this time, however, and is upset that I didn't come out and ask her what's wrong. In the past, she gets upset if I push, if I ask, so I didn't. I waited for her to be ready to talk. Today I was accused of not loving her. Lord, You know I love her, I adore her. I am not perfect though. I feel that I am blameless in this situation, that accusation however, I will eat crow if asked. I would rather see unity, see peace and restoration in this than for me to claim blameslessness. I don't know what to do.
I will say that I want my resolve to be strengthened in that I will love her, never give up on her and to fight for her to be back at peace and rightness with You. Where do I start? I feel like I failed her though. I could have, should have prayed for her every day, not just every day but good, quality prayers, consuming time, energy and my strength. She is my wife and I am to treat her and love her as Christ, Your Son, loved the church. I failed to do that. Her condition, her heart and soul may be far from You and I admit, I am partial to blame. Where was her hsuband praying for her, praying that she would be lifted high, praying that she would be in right union with You, growing close to You. Lord, I failed her, I failed You.
Though I failed, I am not willing to sulk in that failure. I recognize that I need You and she needs You. She needs You more than me, but she also needs a Godly man, one who is willing to fight for her and to not give up on her. Help me, give MORE than JUST wisdom, I need compassion, love, patience, I need Your Spirit being bold, being shown, speaking through me, touching the heart of my wife, impacting her heart and her soul. I need to be close to You, to chase after You and I ask that You help my wife do the same. Help me love her right now, because I am weak to do so on my own. I am weak and sinful. I am wretched. It would be easier to leave, to flee, to quit on her, but it is the flesh that says that. It is the heart of a sinful man that shares that as options. Your Spirit, who sealed me for the day of redemption, Your Spirit that lives within me, the Helper, sent by Christ, Your Spirit says to do differently. Lead me Spirit, lead me in loving this creation of yours, this child, this daughter that has a rightful place in Your Son's inheritance. This daughter of Yours is my wife and You love her more than I do. Help me Lord.
AMEN
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