It is so close to Christmas. Thank You Lord. I cannot wait, for all the billions of reasons. Yes, I am excited to open presents, yes I am excited to have my wife open hers. More than anything I am just excited for the day. NO church that morning, french toast with my wife, stockings to open, time at dads with a play and a white elephant gift!! LOVE IT!! But....Saturday night is where it is at! We are going to do a new tradition Lord and I want it to really catch on! We are going to make Your Son birthday cupcakes and sing happy birthday to Him. I admit, I am feeling silly about the singing part, but oh well...it is worth it! I mean that is the point right? That this is your birthday and the whole reason to celebrate! Your Son brings us hope! We have nothing without Him! Thank You!!
Why am I so on edge? I mean it, as joyful as I am, I am so ready to punch someone hard in the face. I am angry, yes, on edge because of Chris. He refuses to show any grace or understanding. It is about him, what he wants and what he thinks is best. Does he understand that he is losing me? That I want to leave Starting Point ASAP?? I am slowly losing respect for him as a boss and a friend. Even the friendship is one-sided anymore. It comes down to what he wants, when he wants it, even if it means pushing me away. He has breached his contract, asking me to do more hours, to take on more responsibility without extra pay. Yes, I said he is asking me, but what I mean is this: he is demanding me...there is no grace involved, no "I understand how busy your life is and all that you have to do, but do this more because I am telling you to." - Shoot, Lord, I am even told how I am to take my classes and how I am to do go about it. Really? Is he my father? Is he my God? Nope, he has no right, not even under any contract to demand that out me. Seriously, I am done with him.
The problem with that Lord is: I want You to take charge and fix this, and to remind him that he is in the wrong, but really I can only control my part and my heart. Help me!! I do not want to be bitter against him and cause so much dissension and disunity among the church, the staff, etc. What can you teach me right now through this adversity? What part of my life and heart can I grow and mature in through this? Help me stay honest and true to you and your calling through this Lord...that does matter!!
Lord, I also ask now that you watch over Paul's family. It stinks hearing his mom has cancer, expecially terminal. I hate that, cancer sucks! Lord, You know you can heal her, you also know the plans for her and her family. You know what is best for her and the family and I ask that you see it through. Ultimately, even in death, your glory matters and I pray that if she does not have a relationship with you that she comes to know you rather quickly, especially just to have the peace to die knowing you are her God...if she knows you, awesome!! Bring her joy and peace through this!! Look after Paul too, I do not want to see him lose sight of you, to doubt, to hurt and not turn to you. Bring him closer to you (and his bro and sis too).
Thank you for a beautiful night and for listening to me....I feel so amped up, good and bad you know? Thank you for healing my calf, for the give a church banquet raising good money, for my parents, for my mom, for my wife, for having as job, for my health, for my sight and hearing, for my dogs, for my house, our cars, our education, living in America....wow, I can still go on!! Thank you for being our God.
AMEN
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