Messing my life up...

I feel like you are asking a lot of me right now. You are trying to disturb me, to mess things up...this is no complaint, it is merely a thought based on Your character, Your Word, Your Son's life...I desire to be a fanatic, a radical, one who chases after You with all their heart. I feel unsure of so much right now. I feel pulled in different directions and all these voices speak to me, telling me to go after this or that. They aren't bad things to chase after, but these things, I don't know if they are Your will either.

I know I would love to buy a house, but are You asking me to stay where I am right now for a reason? Is there a reason why right now I feel You telling me to stay put and be happy? It's not that my desire for a house is a sinful desire, but I wonder, does this mean I am not content with what You have given me? Do I desire it more for my wife, as a husband I want to give her great things!

AM I to stay at East Cary for another year if they will have me? Am I to leave and go for full-time ministry right now? My ultimate desire is full-time ministry indeed! Why do these things have to be tough?

I want to live my life following You, trusting You, living a life of a fanatic! I want to be devoted to You and I have to ask myself, am I doing that? DO I only highlight parts of the Bible I want to follow? Parts that I want to live out? Am I a fanatic who follows everything You have to say and offer?

Disturb me Father, that is my prayer, disturb me and form me into a Radical, a Fanatic, one who is covered in the dust of Your Son's sandles!
AMEN

Thanksgiving

Lord I thank You for:

Life
Breath
A house
2 cars
my wife
my dogs
I can see, smell, taste, feel, hear
I have a job teaching
I have a job as a youth pastor
I am from Michigan ;)
I have you as my Lord and Savoir
You died on the cross for me
I am an America (meaning I have so many blessings and opportunities)
I am safe
I have clothes
I am not homeless
I do not have any major diseases.
I have a computer
I have a PS3
I have good friends
Anthony is my best friend
I will be in Jay's wedding this year
I will perform Erica's and Coles wedding
that I have a family that loves me
Your constant provision
that You lead my life
that You chose to save me, to rescue me, to give me a purpose
You provide my emotional and mental needs
that You got me through college
that You got me through bad relationships
that You forgive my sin,
that You restore me unto salvation
keeping Your promises
for Your Son Jesus
for interns
for interning at Hope
for Chris Hankins
for helping me grow in my marriage
for a loving wife
for an amazing mom
for rescuing my dad!!!!
for everything I can't think of
the fact that I can walk
I can speak
I can move
I can drive
I can eat
that I am not allergic to shellfish or wool
that I am not a diabetic
that I have a membership at Planet Fitness
for movies and games
for places to go
for Raleigh

I thank You for being You!
AMEN

You love me for me

Tonight Lord, I thank You just for the fact that You are God. You are my God. You pour out grace and mercy on me. You answer prayers that have been given from over 2 to 3 years ago. You show me that though I am a sinner, you love me. You hold me, keep me warm, reasure me and protect me.

I bring you praise, the joy of my heart because though I am nothing, truly I am not righteous, I am not worthy, for my righteousness is like dirty rags to you and I epically fail in comparison to Your Son. Yet You notice me, You love me, You turn to me and You listen, You hold, You guide and help. How could I ever choose anything but you?? Where would I be without you?

You are a God who knows the future, who guided the past, who loves the unloveable. You are the God that has compassion on us, You look at us and see we are sheep without a Shepherd. You sent Your Son to die on a rugged cross for us, to restore a relationship with us. You rescued us! You sent us Your Holy Spirit to do greater works in us than Christ did. It is You that move within us. You are a mighty God who deserves everything we can offer, our very breath! Tonight I ask you to forgive me, to cleanse me and to use me. Forgive me for not being bold when I need to be. You are a mighty God!
AMEN

Salvation is a Good Friend

I can't sleep tonight! Too much on my mind perhaps, or I am just used to being tracked out and able to stay up so late! Either way, here I am Lord. Listening to bluegrass music, wanting to blog, to pray and grateful for you. Who am I to argue with You? Life is great and worth living because of You. I would rather be here, now, up, then in bed, letting my mind wander to sinful things. I have salvation through Your Son and I am an heir! How amazing is that?

I thank You for my friends, for my church, for my youth, for Facebook, for this house, these dogs, freedom, Your mercy and grace. I thank You for hot showers and clean water. I thank You for my car, for my clothes, for the food you provide, for my family, for everything. EVERYTHING. Regardless of my situation, through peaceful times and the rough, through the rain and storms or sunny weather You are my God and I am forever grateful! Thank You Lord.

AMEN

Here is Our King

Today Lord, I thank You for being my God. I thank you for a great night out with my wife last night! I thank you for the two interns I have working with our youth! I thank You for the opportunity to teach a 3-week class on prayer and I thank you for Your love and grace. I thank You for our house, for our dogs and for our family. I thank You for being our KING! I thank you for a good breakfast and a chance to serve You by doing demolition work today!

I ask that You watch over me, speak to me, give me wisdom in how to handle the various situations I will see come about in the lives of my youth. I ask that you strengthen me when I need to be tough and to discipline and help me be gentle and loving when compassion, mercy and grace are in order. Help me be a loving and faithful husband. Lord, I do not want to incur Your wrath, not be rebuked, though if I step out of line, as my loving Father, I ask that you do rebuke and discipline me.

I pray that Jay and Eva's wedding will be amazing this summer and that You will bring Anthony to a full relationship with Your Son. I pray that His relationship with Cindy will help lead to that but that also it will be good for his heart too. I ask that You watch over my wife and be there to guide her growth and her walk in You.

Finally, I beseech You Lord, please give us a child. We love You and we want to share our love with our own child.

Thank You Lord,
AMEN

Random Today

So many thoughts as I finish Philippians today. I first off thank You God for a great month and for the strength to get through it. It has been crazy; crazy busy to say the least! I still enjoy time withf riends, family and my kiddo's and for that I am grateful. You have truly blessed Miranda and I. We may not be rich, well-off, or have the latest gadgets, we still have You and that is all we need. You bring us comfort through those down days, through the tough days, through the pain and strife and give us peace to live on. We have peace with You in two ways, one being we are not enemies, instead we are friends, we are close, we have an eternity together. Secondly, we have peace because You grant us it. When the things in life, such as the strong desire for a baby, don't turn out the way we want them to, You still hold us, comfort us, whisper Your sweet words in our ears and remind us that You love us. God, life without You was horrible, it was chaos and I did not like it. I am grateful for the fact You never gave up on me, on my dad, on Sara Shillinglaw, on Troy, and I ask that You never give up on Andy.

I ask that You lead me today. That Your guidance is shown through my words and actions as I lead these Middle and High Schoolers as their pastor. I want to bring them to You, help them grow in their relationship with You and be a Godly and Christ-like influence. Lead me, and when I stray from Your path, bring me back. COme get me like you the one lost sheep You chased after. I thank You for Philippians, I think You for 4:19 which got me through Liberty and gets me through now! Thank You!
Amen

My Kiddo's

Father, you know my love for my youth. They are my kiddo's, my boys, my girls, my teens, you name it. I want them to grow up chasing after You. I want them to follow You, to love You, to read Your word, to pray to You, to talk with You, to find You, to look for You....do You get it? I want their world to be wrapped around You. They are all so different. Some are hurting, some are scared, some are lost, some don't get it, but some do...
Father, be a father to the ones who need a daddy. Be strong to those who are weak. Comfort those who are sad, lonely, depressed. I would give my heart, my very soul to know they have peace in You. I am nothing without You, so I need You. I want, I crave even to make an impact on their lives. I can pour my heart into them, my world, my very life! I ask that You use me. I ask that You send me, that You pour into them everything You have.
Life isn't worth living without You. You are our rock, our Savoir, our Lamb who bled for us. My students, my kiddo's they worry about so much. They get caught up in the wrong things. They make bad decisions, but grant them mercy and grace. Lead them, teach them, and help them be covered in Your dust. You are my God, be theirs too!
Father, all I can ask is this;: save them, love them, mature them, in You and for Your sake.
AMEN