Tuesday August 9th, 2011

Abba Father,

I read the Simply Youth Ministry email today and I loved it. I loved it because it spoke truth, hard hitting truth that makes you take a gut check on how relationship with You. Last night too, I thought about that. I thought the one thing I lack greatly as a youth pastor is time spent with you praying about the youth you have given me. I know I need to get better at that. Well, my goal is to blog on here Lord, every day, especially about the youth and to know that by doing this I can spend more time with you, and I hope that it can be quality time too.

Father, I know that I am dealing with some type of anger issues of late. I feel stressed and impatient. I WANT to lose my cool, almost as if I am daring someone to give me a reason to blow my top and to go off on them. I told Miranda last night that the mood I feel that I am in is one that makes me want to just punch someone in the face to feel better. I can't explain why I feel this way but I know that Your way tells me not to do this. Your way is much better and calls me to be of a different spirit. Help me, help me repent from this sin of anger and sin of hostilaty.

I also ask that You keeo Your hands and eyes on my youth. I want to see them grow closer to You. I want them to fall in love with You. I want to see them give themselves over to Your Son to be used to build the Kingdom. I want to see them make smart, wise and good choices that model Your will. I want to see Ashlynn chase after You because she is going the other way. I want to see Drew recover well from his surgery and continue to let go of his anger and to break him into being such a loving servant. I want to see Tyler's dating life be something pleasing to You. I want to see his relationship with Hayley be pure, and kept clean. I want to see Ryan continue to grow, to mature, to fix his eyes on Your Son and to chase after Him. I would love to see Ryan become a huge part in building Your Kingdom. I want to see our middle school ministry grow. We are hurting with only Jane and Sophie, meeting only on Sunday mornings. I want to see them bring 1 friend/person to our middle school night out at Frankie's. How awesome would it be to see our middle school youth grow from the outside-in.

Also, Lord, I want to see my sister recover from her surgery last night. I want to see her healthy, recovering, especially with all she has going on with her life right between working, school and being a mother. I just ask that she can be encouraged through this and know that she is loved dearly. I also ask that you take care of mom and dad with all that they have going on with their health, finances and cars. They have blessed Miranda and I greatly and I want to see them rewarded and blessed 100 times over for all they do. They are generous and loving and care deeply. They look after us, call us, pray for us, encourage us and I am grateful for them. Thank You for them.

Thank You for all you do, honestly, who would love me for al my sins and for all my shortcomings and the lack of desire I can have. You love me so much, You promise to see me through the rough times and I am grateful for the fact You have not left my side.

AMEN

To You

Lord,

I sit back today and see how much I have missed out on. I have allowed myself to go to a deep and dark place. I have allowed myself to stray from Your love and guidance. I treated You like Gomer treated Hosea and yet You love me. Though I want this to be a love letter back to You, I also want it to be an apology letter. I sinned, I sinned against You. I have felt the cold embrace of another "lover," an idol, something that entertained my mind and heart in place of You. This letter is about that and about how empty and dark I felt inside because of it. I feel joyless, I feel hollow, as if my whole reason for living in moot. Life with You is much better, but why did I run? Why did I cheat on You my Lord, my King? Why did I bow my knees to another master? I want to stay with You because You treat me with grace and mercy. You pour out blessings on me and all You ask in return is obedience. You ask that I seek Your Kingdom, to have You be the Ruler of my heart and yet I stray. Father, I know You will forgive me, I ask that You do, but I also ask that You bring about the discipline in my life to make me whole. Discipline me Lord to make me better, stronger, more like Your Son. Though I deserve punishment, Your Son paid for that on the cross. Thank You. I am wretched, I know this. I know that this sin has hurt my prayer life, my connection with You. I have not just strayed away but I chose to give You the cold shoulder too. Why? This should never be! Lord, forgive me, restore my joy, but restore my joy in You! Help me seek You every day, every chance I can because it is in You my Love, my God that I am whole and valuable.
AMEN

Today's Prayee

Father,

Thank you for a beautiful day, time to walk the dogs with my wife and a tasty breakfast! I have enjoyed my day and I thank you for it.

Tonight is our downtown Raleigh Life Group and I pray that Father you will anoint my lips and heart with Your Spirit so that when I teach, it is Your words that come out, Your guidance and leadership being shown. I pray that we can have fun, but even more so, that we can be encouraging and uplifting to one another. I want to see our life group grow, in numbers but as well as spiritually and I thank you for last week with how much Amber shared. That was pretty awesome!! I also thank you for Jay and the lunches I have been able to grab with him. I have enjoyed some guy time with him.

I pray too for our core group, that tonight I can be honest, that we can continue to cheer each other on and continue to not be afraid and to share what is on our heart. I thank you for the fact I am done with Jeremiah now and I look forward to reading the NT once again. I pray that tonight at Core, it can be radical and we can challenge each other again.

I also want to thank you for taking care of my dog Emma. The meds and that shot have helped her a lot. Thanks to the Vets letting me pay half too, You have blessed me. Thank you for always providing though lately it has been through my dad. Thank You Lord for doing that.

Lord I pray too for Caitlyn, that you will continue to heal her heart, restore her to Yourself, and the church. I pray that she will be used in a huge way to impact Your Kingdom. I pray too Father that if You are willing, that You bring her back as a youth intern of some kind. I add to that that You will give her wisdom in what to do with her life, job and relationships.

I also thank you for two great nights with my wife and I am so overjoyed that she started reading Psalms today. I was pleased to see her sit down and dig in. I ask that Father You continue to walk her through this spiritual dryness, through this desert that she is walking and help lead her out of it stronger and more in love with You. I pray that Father You will help give me the love and leadership skills needed to guide her through this and to be a shining example for her in the future.

I ask that You watch over my youth leaders and that You grow them up, making them look more and more like Your Son daily. I ask that You give them grace and strength as they deal with their own personal struggles and sins. I ask that You bring them through whatever obstacles that are in their way and make them out to be leaders who impact Your Kingdom for the youth now and in the future.

I also ask that you help my youth grow up into their salvation with fear and trembling. I pray that they crave You, crave and yearn for a deeper relationship with You and that our youth as a whole would be united, encouraging one another in truth and love. I ask that they look out for one another, to keep each other out of and away from sin. I pray for their personal struggles as well, that You, in Your grace help them through their time of need. I pray that You do the same for me.

AMEN

Never say Never

Lord, today I feel like I am some sort of tail spin. Sitting down and just speaking my thoughts are no help. Words, this blog, this seems to come much easier right now. I am confused, scared, somewhat...but more than anything I seem to be at a lack of knowing what to do. I don't know what to do, how to lead, how to love, how to look like your Son with the situation that is going on.

My wife is hurting, for two weeks at least, she is unsure of what to do, what to say, unsure of her relationship with You. She hasn't done a quiet time in over 2 weeks, hasn't journal'd to you in that same amount of time. She hates everything, her own words, and isn't sure what to do. She is upset with me, upset with everyone and wants me to help her but is upset that I haven't yet.

I know I am a guy, I can be dense, I have also tried to handle this the way that she has asked me to from past arguments and fights. For doing that this time, however, and is upset that I didn't come out and ask her what's wrong. In the past, she gets upset if I push, if I ask, so I didn't. I waited for her to be ready to talk. Today I was accused of not loving her. Lord, You know I love her, I adore her. I am not perfect though. I feel that I am blameless in this situation, that accusation however, I will eat crow if asked. I would rather see unity, see peace and restoration in this than for me to claim blameslessness. I don't know what to do.

I will say that I want my resolve to be strengthened in that I will love her, never give up on her and to fight for her to be back at peace and rightness with You. Where do I start? I feel like I failed her though. I could have, should have prayed for her every day, not just every day but good, quality prayers, consuming time, energy and my strength. She is my wife and I am to treat her and love her as Christ, Your Son, loved the church. I failed to do that. Her condition, her heart and soul may be far from You and I admit, I am partial to blame. Where was her hsuband praying for her, praying that she would be lifted high, praying that she would be in right union with You, growing close to You. Lord, I failed her, I failed You.

Though I failed, I am not willing to sulk in that failure. I recognize that I need You and she needs You. She needs You more than me, but she also needs a Godly man, one who is willing to fight for her and to not give up on her. Help me, give MORE than JUST wisdom, I need compassion, love, patience, I need Your Spirit being bold, being shown, speaking through me, touching the heart of my wife, impacting her heart and her soul. I need to be close to You, to chase after You and I ask that You help my wife do the same. Help me love her right now, because I am weak to do so on my own. I am weak and sinful. I am wretched. It would be easier to leave, to flee, to quit on her, but it is the flesh that says that. It is the heart of a sinful man that shares that as options. Your Spirit, who sealed me for the day of redemption, Your Spirit that lives within me, the Helper, sent by Christ, Your Spirit says to do differently. Lead me Spirit, lead me in loving this creation of yours, this child, this daughter that has a rightful place in Your Son's inheritance. This daughter of Yours is my wife and You love her more than I do. Help me Lord.
AMEN

Good Friday

Like Rebecca Black would say, or would have said it yesterday "It's Friday, Friday gonna get down on Friday" and why not, yesterday was Friday and it was an amazing day! Why is it good though Lord when you were hung on the cross. You were beaten, spit on, mocked, had your beard pulled out, nails in your hands and feet and yet we say it is a Good Day?? Doesn't that make us sound like we hate you? I guess when we sin, it does...but it is a Good Day because you on the cross, Your last words were "It is finished."
Your life was finished, You died. Your death and even Your resurrection are the cornerstones to our faith. Without them, we would have no hope! Your death was for us, a ransom for our sins. Your death meant that I could live. Your death was the atoning sacrifice for me. I don't have to go to a temple and sacrifice any animal or grain to make amends for my sins. There is no more yearly daily atonement and a worry that the priest might offend You or mess up and die while in the Holy of Holies. In fact, when it was finished and He died, You tore that curtain in half so we could freely come before You.
The old days of the temple are finished, sacrifices are finished, being separated from You is finished. I can freely run to Your throne now. I can freely come before You without the worry that I will die!

I do deserve to die though. I am a sinner. I get consumed with thoughts that are unholy. I lie, I hate, I have pride outside of You, I boast on my own strength, I cheat, I am lazy, I do what I want...I am far from holy. I am broken. I am dirty. Watch the news, it talks about rape, murder, adultery, stealing, robbing, torture, and even people lacking responsibilities and common sense that lead to horrible things. I am just like that, and I know it.
This is why it is a Good Day because You knew how horrible I am and how dirty our world is. Yet You loved us enough to still to die, to still let it be finished and not call down 12 legions of angels to save You. You died for me. So when the Father sees me, He sees You, He sees Your blood that washed away my dirty sins.

My prayer now is that Father, make me hate my sins. Make me find my choices to give into sin disgusting. Make me see how horrible they are and make me realize that they are the reasons Your Son had to die. I want to leave those sins behind and be so close to Your Son, to look just like Him. Thank You for Your grace and mercy though, for Your love and kindness. I would be nowhere without them. Thanks to Your I am somewhere, somewhere great and growing though undeserving. Please continue to help me invest and to pour into this relationship with You. I don't want it to seem like some same old routine and forget about what a true relationship sounds and looks like!
I love You and I am forever grateful You love me, the proof is in Good Friday!
AMEN

Hosanna!

Look, God, You are my King. I deserve a tyrant for a king. I am not a worthy subject. I can be a rebel. I can fight against Your will. I sometimes am selfish, I lie, I steal, I lust, I hurt and love my temper, in short, I sin. Yet, I want to be that second thief and to surrender. I want to lay down my life at Your throne. If love kept You on the cross, if You could have called legions of angels down to save You yet You stayed because Your love for me was so strong then I could not ask for a better King. I need a King like you.

Hosanna! Savoir, save me!

You brought me so much joy today! I have seen You be so faithful it blows my mind away! Why? All I know is this, You want Your kingdom to grow and I want to see it grow too! I was just so encouraged because we started so small. I was so discouraged, so sad! I hated it, lol, well, you know what I mean. It was tough! I was scared and not sure of what to do. You told me to have faith and to love everyone You give me. I want to train leaders to do that too. Father, You ask me to prayer for the workers of the field because the Harvest is so ripe, so big, so much!! Father, bring me leaders!

Thank You for all that You have done and for keeping me, my wife and our dogs and house safe through those nasty storms and tornadoes. Though God, I am thankful for Your grace, more than grateful, there are people out there that still need You. They lost loved ones, memories, etc. and now, well, they need You for comfort and strength, wisdom and mercy. Father, bring these people into Your Kingdom. Use this as a way to melt their hearts and bring them into a relationship with You!!

Father, I love You!!

"I Desire Mercy, Not Sacrifice"

Jesus, You love me. Out of my heart comes evil. I am unclean. Lust and bitterness, silence and not living up to the victory You earned for me. All Champions have duties, responsibilities to follow and perform. As a victor in Christ, the victory You won for me at the cross, I must live clean. I must live a life worthy of the gospel as Paul says. You say You desire mercy, do I give it? You desire compassion, do I have it? Do I live a life worthy of the CROSS You died on?

John said it best "I must decrease so You may increase." If You increase then my life is worthy of the cross. If You increase, then my life, is worthy of championship status. You love me, You chased me, You bled for me. You are worth decreasing for.

What I love is that if I run away from You, well, You are everywhere! As far as I run, all I am doing is running back to You. I can't escape You! I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me. Oh Lord, You love me! You love me!

Today Father, I pray and give You praise. Nicole is pregnant, with a girl! I will be a great uncle again! How awesome for them! She is also now a member of Starting Point! Ian is serving with the tech team! How awesome to see them become closer to You. Your Son was right when He said all things are possible with God (Matthew 19). Father, I mean it, thank You. But Father, if I may ask: why not Miranda and I? Why am I not a father yet? Why is this such s driving concern right now or such a strong desire? I don't want to hold onto this, but with so many friends of ours pregnant or just had babies, well, it's hard not to desire this so strongly! I need You right now to hold me together. I need You right now to be my strength!

I know though my best friend, Anthony and his wife to be need You too! I so badly want to see Anthony have a great and strong relationship with You! I want to see him in Heaven, to have eternity with him, for him to have eternity with Your Son. I am feeling very bold, very ready to share the Cross, Christ, His blood, His sacrifice because Father, I need to have compassion on Him, to love Him, to share what You did with Him. Prepare His heart for You. Watch over him and Cindy and little Kya. They have a lot going on with custody and with a new puppy and preparing for a wedding. Lord, I want to see them succeed, for Kya to be safe, protected, loved on and cared for. Give Anthony the strength to lead her as a father of sorts and Cindy the patience and guidance to be a good momma.

I love You. I honestly do, Lord, You love me, and I am grateful. All things are possible with You. Give me mercy and prepare me to give mercy to others.
AMEN