So today as I read through another section of "My First Two Years in Youth Ministry" and it talks about stress and spiritual disconnect, and I have come across the part about lack of meaningful prayer and that is my part right now. I feel so disconnected lately because of that. I have prayed, but on my own, I feel that my personal prayer has lacked meaning and passion and it is killing me.
Today, my goal is through this blog, is to start to make that personal prayer powerful and meaningful again.
First off, I ask Father that my wife will grow in her desire to love you and to grow in her faith in you. I want it to be foundational growth, something to really build off of and to grow off that. I do not want it to be based off of feelings, feelings can come and go and can leave her (and me and everyone else) so empty. I want her to grow in her knowledge of who you are, who your son is, the Holy Spirit, and other doctrines. I want her to be able to stand up on her own feet with you behind her holding her up because her strength is in You and not on feelings of you. I want to see her truly desire to get to know you and to grow. I want to see her become passionate about her love and growth in her walk and that in doing so it grows her in ministry. I love my wife and I want the best for her. I under stand it is my job to guide her, teach her and set the example and I do not want to fail that. I want to take this job, this responsibility seriously. Help me in doing so. Teach me so I can teach her, and break me when I get stubborn. We both know I can get stubborn, and when I do, I need you to be strong and break me, even if it hurts me. I do not want to be stuck in some stubbornness like a mule.
I pray also for my own desire to grow, kind of feeding off of what I just wrote, that I can be stubborn, and it is true. I can be. I know have I lacked patience lately, with driving, with people when I get zoned in on something...I can tell in my voice. I still feel bitter with Chris. I struggle there with him and I feel like he still refuses to understand where I come from. I feel he lacks the grace I need and lacks the qualities to lead me. I know I can be a lot to handle, but I guess that's it. I want a strong leader who can give me grace and understand me yet push me to grow. However, I need to have my own desire to grow, I need you. I want that joy and passion to come back to you in prayer. I want that excitement again. I do know when I miss a quiet time, miss sitting down and reading the Bible, I feel empty, hungry, I know I am missing out, but lately that has not been enough to fuel me into wanting more, wanting to escape to go and read it, to go and put in my time to finish a chapter, a book even...break me. I feel like I am some mule, refusing to bend, refusing to serve you in the way I need to. Break me....do not fail me on this lord. I love you, but I believe you are more concerned with my being than my doing, and I want my being to love you incredibly much so it affects my doing that much more.
I pray for our downtown life group. I want Clyde to come and to join. I want to see us grow spiritually and physically as well. I want to see our group fall in love with you first, then each other second. I want to see us really learn how to serve each other and to love each other. We have a bunch of strong personalities int he group and they can be feisty and sensitive. It is unique, but You are a unique God and we need you. I thank you for the growth that we have had and for the people in our group. I am thankful for what you have done in our group and for Joanna letting us use her house!
Apex and Athens Drive Life Groups will be starting up so soon! I want to see them be a success but I feel like I need you to show me and tell me what success for these groups looks like. I want to pour into Richard and Corey and help build them up to be strong leaders. I do not want to see them get discouraged. I want to see them grow and be nurtured. I want to see youth look forward to coming to our group and be excited about our group. I want to see our youth really love on new visitors and welcome them in with loving and gracious arms! I want to see this be a time of great growth for them and this can be a time for them to grow and ask questions. Be in control of these life groups and make them something that glorifies you!!
After a good talk with my wife last night about her family, I just ask that you save them. Bring them all into a saving relationship with you. I also know that this means we have to do a better job with how we love them, and love them with such a strong zeal and purpose. I know it breaks her heart to know that if they died they would go to Hell. I know that she desires for them to have a relationship with you and so I pray that they do. I pray you bring that marvelous light into their world. Miranda and I should be, and it is scary...I admit, I am intimidated by it. How do we do it? How do we find a way to share with them? Does it start with Randy? Do we do what dad did and sit down with him and share our testimonies? Will he listen? Will he care? Will it change his life? I don't know, but we have to figure out something. Lord, help us!
Finally, you know our desire is to have children. I admit, I fell off track with praying to you everyday about this. That is all on me. I still desire a child, of our own. I want a child so badly Lord! I wish I was a father. I want to be a father. Last night even I said, you know I would give up video games for life for a child, which wasn't some vow or promise or a way to trick you into giving us a child but more a means to me that my desire for a child is so strong. I would be willing to move mountains for a child. It would be scary raising a child in this world but I would be brave enough too! I do think I would home school them though. I just don't like where public education is going. Lord, if I am to be a father, teach what that means so not only can I be a father that is good to my child but a father that you are proud of. I want to hear "well done good and faithful servant."
I love you. Forgive me for my lust, my sin of being angry, bitter, spiteful and mean. Forgive me of not finding meaningful time in my relationship with you. I have sucked lately but you are a great and mighty God!
AMEN
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
SOAP 1/2/12
Psalm 9:1-2
1 I'm thanking you, God, from a full heart, I'm writing the book on your wonders.2 I'm whistling, laughing, and jumping for joy; I'm singing your song, High God.
I feel this is where I should be, where I have been before and where I want to go. Lord, I have let anger, bitterness, hurt feelings, insults, disrespect, apathy and frustration keep me from having a full heart of praise for You. Yesterday as I stood in church, worship music playing, I felt confronted with the fact I was upset with your creation, the people you made, the people you brought into this Covenantal relationship with and things weren't adding up. I had a choice, work on forgiving them, make peace with them and freely worship you or be upset with them, hold my anger and let it seep through towards them and then worship you with my mouth but let my heart be far from you. That is scary! I never want to worship with you mouth but not heart.
Through this time right now I want you to help bring me back to this time of laughing and jumping for joy for you. I want to sing your song high! Alas, I am flesh, I am weak and I cannot do this on my own. This is where I ask that you help me. Lift me up, dust the dirt off me, hold my hand and lead me. I want to be at peace with all, which also means dusting off the small things that really annoy and see who they come from, why they do and to remember to not worry about all those small things. In doing so, I will not be bogged down with all these frustrations, feeling like everyone is adding more weight onto me. Lord, with Your help, I can overcome them, allowing my heart to be full of that joy and praise!
Lord, I just add too, that I need you all of today. I ask that you watch over me, keep my heart on you and that todays meeting goes extremely well. I want it to be productive, yes, and I want it to be worthwhile for all involved. I want us to grow together as a youth ministry team and to grow as friends. I want us, as a team, and as individuals, to really make an impact on the lives of the youth that we are involved with. That to me, will help bring a heart full of joy and praise. Melt the ice off my heart, love me continually, forgive me for my sins and hold me true, true to you and your path. I love you.
AMEN
1 I'm thanking you, God, from a full heart, I'm writing the book on your wonders.2 I'm whistling, laughing, and jumping for joy; I'm singing your song, High God.
I feel this is where I should be, where I have been before and where I want to go. Lord, I have let anger, bitterness, hurt feelings, insults, disrespect, apathy and frustration keep me from having a full heart of praise for You. Yesterday as I stood in church, worship music playing, I felt confronted with the fact I was upset with your creation, the people you made, the people you brought into this Covenantal relationship with and things weren't adding up. I had a choice, work on forgiving them, make peace with them and freely worship you or be upset with them, hold my anger and let it seep through towards them and then worship you with my mouth but let my heart be far from you. That is scary! I never want to worship with you mouth but not heart.
Through this time right now I want you to help bring me back to this time of laughing and jumping for joy for you. I want to sing your song high! Alas, I am flesh, I am weak and I cannot do this on my own. This is where I ask that you help me. Lift me up, dust the dirt off me, hold my hand and lead me. I want to be at peace with all, which also means dusting off the small things that really annoy and see who they come from, why they do and to remember to not worry about all those small things. In doing so, I will not be bogged down with all these frustrations, feeling like everyone is adding more weight onto me. Lord, with Your help, I can overcome them, allowing my heart to be full of that joy and praise!
Lord, I just add too, that I need you all of today. I ask that you watch over me, keep my heart on you and that todays meeting goes extremely well. I want it to be productive, yes, and I want it to be worthwhile for all involved. I want us to grow together as a youth ministry team and to grow as friends. I want us, as a team, and as individuals, to really make an impact on the lives of the youth that we are involved with. That to me, will help bring a heart full of joy and praise. Melt the ice off my heart, love me continually, forgive me for my sins and hold me true, true to you and your path. I love you.
AMEN
Thursday, December 22, 2011
2 Days until Christmas
It is so close to Christmas. Thank You Lord. I cannot wait, for all the billions of reasons. Yes, I am excited to open presents, yes I am excited to have my wife open hers. More than anything I am just excited for the day. NO church that morning, french toast with my wife, stockings to open, time at dads with a play and a white elephant gift!! LOVE IT!! But....Saturday night is where it is at! We are going to do a new tradition Lord and I want it to really catch on! We are going to make Your Son birthday cupcakes and sing happy birthday to Him. I admit, I am feeling silly about the singing part, but oh well...it is worth it! I mean that is the point right? That this is your birthday and the whole reason to celebrate! Your Son brings us hope! We have nothing without Him! Thank You!!
Why am I so on edge? I mean it, as joyful as I am, I am so ready to punch someone hard in the face. I am angry, yes, on edge because of Chris. He refuses to show any grace or understanding. It is about him, what he wants and what he thinks is best. Does he understand that he is losing me? That I want to leave Starting Point ASAP?? I am slowly losing respect for him as a boss and a friend. Even the friendship is one-sided anymore. It comes down to what he wants, when he wants it, even if it means pushing me away. He has breached his contract, asking me to do more hours, to take on more responsibility without extra pay. Yes, I said he is asking me, but what I mean is this: he is demanding me...there is no grace involved, no "I understand how busy your life is and all that you have to do, but do this more because I am telling you to." - Shoot, Lord, I am even told how I am to take my classes and how I am to do go about it. Really? Is he my father? Is he my God? Nope, he has no right, not even under any contract to demand that out me. Seriously, I am done with him.
The problem with that Lord is: I want You to take charge and fix this, and to remind him that he is in the wrong, but really I can only control my part and my heart. Help me!! I do not want to be bitter against him and cause so much dissension and disunity among the church, the staff, etc. What can you teach me right now through this adversity? What part of my life and heart can I grow and mature in through this? Help me stay honest and true to you and your calling through this Lord...that does matter!!
Lord, I also ask now that you watch over Paul's family. It stinks hearing his mom has cancer, expecially terminal. I hate that, cancer sucks! Lord, You know you can heal her, you also know the plans for her and her family. You know what is best for her and the family and I ask that you see it through. Ultimately, even in death, your glory matters and I pray that if she does not have a relationship with you that she comes to know you rather quickly, especially just to have the peace to die knowing you are her God...if she knows you, awesome!! Bring her joy and peace through this!! Look after Paul too, I do not want to see him lose sight of you, to doubt, to hurt and not turn to you. Bring him closer to you (and his bro and sis too).
Thank you for a beautiful night and for listening to me....I feel so amped up, good and bad you know? Thank you for healing my calf, for the give a church banquet raising good money, for my parents, for my mom, for my wife, for having as job, for my health, for my sight and hearing, for my dogs, for my house, our cars, our education, living in America....wow, I can still go on!! Thank you for being our God.
AMEN
Why am I so on edge? I mean it, as joyful as I am, I am so ready to punch someone hard in the face. I am angry, yes, on edge because of Chris. He refuses to show any grace or understanding. It is about him, what he wants and what he thinks is best. Does he understand that he is losing me? That I want to leave Starting Point ASAP?? I am slowly losing respect for him as a boss and a friend. Even the friendship is one-sided anymore. It comes down to what he wants, when he wants it, even if it means pushing me away. He has breached his contract, asking me to do more hours, to take on more responsibility without extra pay. Yes, I said he is asking me, but what I mean is this: he is demanding me...there is no grace involved, no "I understand how busy your life is and all that you have to do, but do this more because I am telling you to." - Shoot, Lord, I am even told how I am to take my classes and how I am to do go about it. Really? Is he my father? Is he my God? Nope, he has no right, not even under any contract to demand that out me. Seriously, I am done with him.
The problem with that Lord is: I want You to take charge and fix this, and to remind him that he is in the wrong, but really I can only control my part and my heart. Help me!! I do not want to be bitter against him and cause so much dissension and disunity among the church, the staff, etc. What can you teach me right now through this adversity? What part of my life and heart can I grow and mature in through this? Help me stay honest and true to you and your calling through this Lord...that does matter!!
Lord, I also ask now that you watch over Paul's family. It stinks hearing his mom has cancer, expecially terminal. I hate that, cancer sucks! Lord, You know you can heal her, you also know the plans for her and her family. You know what is best for her and the family and I ask that you see it through. Ultimately, even in death, your glory matters and I pray that if she does not have a relationship with you that she comes to know you rather quickly, especially just to have the peace to die knowing you are her God...if she knows you, awesome!! Bring her joy and peace through this!! Look after Paul too, I do not want to see him lose sight of you, to doubt, to hurt and not turn to you. Bring him closer to you (and his bro and sis too).
Thank you for a beautiful night and for listening to me....I feel so amped up, good and bad you know? Thank you for healing my calf, for the give a church banquet raising good money, for my parents, for my mom, for my wife, for having as job, for my health, for my sight and hearing, for my dogs, for my house, our cars, our education, living in America....wow, I can still go on!! Thank you for being our God.
AMEN
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
12/14/11
Today, well today I pray through the blog. Too much going on around me and my mind is getting way too distracted. ADD today stinks! I know that there are about a million things to share with you today Lord.
- A.G. - I want to see this person stick closely to your side. I want to see AG love you, completely, intimately and with such earnest desire to be like Your Son. I want to see AG break free from the sin that is weighing them down. Those chains are around AG right now and their day, their week, has been really tough. I hope to ice cream this week or next with AG and to see them at Cici's and I pray and ask that You will allow this to happen as well as allow us to have an effective and impactful time. Look over AG and love AG so closely. Hold them, comfort AG and bring them back into obedience and faith in Your Word and truth.
- Terry and Scott - how awesome, they have been married over a month! Thank you for their marriage and their role in my life. Lord I love them and I thank you for them. I pray that their marriage will be an incredible one, teaching Tommy and Jake what a true marriage looks like and that they never divorce or quit on each other. I pray the boys have a strong and lasting marriage like Terry and Scott.
- I also ask that You watch over Tara. I would like to see her get a better job, one where she is teaching as a teacher not a TA. It would be a better pay raise for her, especially for all she does. Yes, selfishly, this may open up her position for me too. I do not want to go to H.S. I like M.S., I like East Cary, the teachers here, everything. Plus, it would be a pay raise for me (just no track out). Lord, You do know what's best and I will trust You in that, but please guide me either way. I want whats best for my life (including Miranda and our ministry) but You know what is truly best for me.
- I pray for Katie Nehm and her ministry in the D.R. I hope it is amazing! I want her to have such a Kingdom impact on the people and children she runs into down there. I want to see her do great things for your Kingdom. I pray now for the hearts of the people she will live with and around, that their hearts will be opened and soften for your Son's sake. I want to see them ready to be loved on and ready to be cared for by her and the rest of the missionaries down there. I pray now that their needs will be met physically and mentally. I want to see Katie love them in deed and word.
- Lord, You know we want a baby. I do, a huge desire. I feel like I have slacked in prayer over this. I admit it, I have slacked at it. It seems since Miranda had her period, I quit asking. I do not think it was due to any lack of faith but just the emotions wore off. I feel emotionless about it now, in the sense of not crying or getting so teary-eyed. I do know that I want a baby. I want a healthy baby girl. Maybe it is a lot to ask for, I do not deserve to ask, I do not deserve to ask You about anything. I am a sinner, completely messed up because of sin. However, You do tell me over and over again to have faith and to ask. Here I am, Lord, will you give Miranda and I a baby in the next two years? Will you give me the strength to trust You. Will you help me have faith and to erase the doubts in my mind, even now.
- Thank you for all You are doing in my life and my wife's. I have thoroughly enjoyed our marriage these past few months. I thank You for helping me have confidence in her, to trust her so I can open up and share with her. It is a scary thing to do, but thanks to You, I can and I am. I thank You for her love and for her respect. I thank You for time with her. Forgive me for the times when I leer at other girls, lust over them and to put them ahead of my wife's desires and attentions. Help make me a better husband, one who is more loving and sacrificial for her. I ask that You do the same for my wife. I pray that she continues to love me and to grow in that love. I pray that she will be a forgiving wife, one who will not hold grudges and one who is open with me in her s!!truggles. I pray that Lord she will not be afraid to share with me whats on her heart but give her the discernment on when to. I pray that she stays open and honest with me too.
Lord, I feel like I have a ton more and want to come back to You. This is why I think You are so worthy of worship because we can approach You in Your throne room at any time and any point in our lives. You are so open to us. You share so much with us, Your blessings overpour and Your grace fills us up. Lord, I would be lost without You. Thank You
- A.G. - I want to see this person stick closely to your side. I want to see AG love you, completely, intimately and with such earnest desire to be like Your Son. I want to see AG break free from the sin that is weighing them down. Those chains are around AG right now and their day, their week, has been really tough. I hope to ice cream this week or next with AG and to see them at Cici's and I pray and ask that You will allow this to happen as well as allow us to have an effective and impactful time. Look over AG and love AG so closely. Hold them, comfort AG and bring them back into obedience and faith in Your Word and truth.
- Terry and Scott - how awesome, they have been married over a month! Thank you for their marriage and their role in my life. Lord I love them and I thank you for them. I pray that their marriage will be an incredible one, teaching Tommy and Jake what a true marriage looks like and that they never divorce or quit on each other. I pray the boys have a strong and lasting marriage like Terry and Scott.
- I also ask that You watch over Tara. I would like to see her get a better job, one where she is teaching as a teacher not a TA. It would be a better pay raise for her, especially for all she does. Yes, selfishly, this may open up her position for me too. I do not want to go to H.S. I like M.S., I like East Cary, the teachers here, everything. Plus, it would be a pay raise for me (just no track out). Lord, You do know what's best and I will trust You in that, but please guide me either way. I want whats best for my life (including Miranda and our ministry) but You know what is truly best for me.
- I pray for Katie Nehm and her ministry in the D.R. I hope it is amazing! I want her to have such a Kingdom impact on the people and children she runs into down there. I want to see her do great things for your Kingdom. I pray now for the hearts of the people she will live with and around, that their hearts will be opened and soften for your Son's sake. I want to see them ready to be loved on and ready to be cared for by her and the rest of the missionaries down there. I pray now that their needs will be met physically and mentally. I want to see Katie love them in deed and word.
- Lord, You know we want a baby. I do, a huge desire. I feel like I have slacked in prayer over this. I admit it, I have slacked at it. It seems since Miranda had her period, I quit asking. I do not think it was due to any lack of faith but just the emotions wore off. I feel emotionless about it now, in the sense of not crying or getting so teary-eyed. I do know that I want a baby. I want a healthy baby girl. Maybe it is a lot to ask for, I do not deserve to ask, I do not deserve to ask You about anything. I am a sinner, completely messed up because of sin. However, You do tell me over and over again to have faith and to ask. Here I am, Lord, will you give Miranda and I a baby in the next two years? Will you give me the strength to trust You. Will you help me have faith and to erase the doubts in my mind, even now.
- Thank you for all You are doing in my life and my wife's. I have thoroughly enjoyed our marriage these past few months. I thank You for helping me have confidence in her, to trust her so I can open up and share with her. It is a scary thing to do, but thanks to You, I can and I am. I thank You for her love and for her respect. I thank You for time with her. Forgive me for the times when I leer at other girls, lust over them and to put them ahead of my wife's desires and attentions. Help make me a better husband, one who is more loving and sacrificial for her. I ask that You do the same for my wife. I pray that she continues to love me and to grow in that love. I pray that she will be a forgiving wife, one who will not hold grudges and one who is open with me in her s!!truggles. I pray that Lord she will not be afraid to share with me whats on her heart but give her the discernment on when to. I pray that she stays open and honest with me too.
Lord, I feel like I have a ton more and want to come back to You. This is why I think You are so worthy of worship because we can approach You in Your throne room at any time and any point in our lives. You are so open to us. You share so much with us, Your blessings overpour and Your grace fills us up. Lord, I would be lost without You. Thank You
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A little Extra
Yes, good morning Lord....today, well it does seem like a little extra prayer is needed...or maybe even more so, typing it out is the best way to stay focused.
I do ask that you watch over Josh Edmonds grandpa and his grandma. He says it is the best example of a Godly marriage in his life and what him and Amy strive to be like.
I do ask that you help the doctors look for what is wrong and that they find it. I pray his procedure goes well and is performed quickly. I want to see him come through this for all the Edmonds sake.
I also thank you for a beautiful day, for feeling much better, though I am sick, my spirit is uplifted and I do not feel as exhausted. Thank you Lord! I am glad that I got some time with my wife last night and got a few minutes this morning with her. I love that girl.
I pray that you will use us in the ministry. I want to be used and I want her to be used. I want us to be used to make an impact for the Kingdom on the lives of the youth and the babies in our church. I want to bring someone to You and closer to You. I want to show someone what Your Son looks like and how Your Son lives and loves. I want my wife to do the same and that we can show and be an example to other young marriages what a marriage should look like and be. I want to enjoy my ministry with my wife and enjoy what I do with her in youth. Make us a couple of great faith, deep conviction strong in Your love and confident of Your promises.
Father, I do ask, please bring us a child of our own within two years. I would love to have a son or daughter of my own to love and hold. I want a child to share in Your glory with. What a celebration it will be!!!
Lord, watch over the High School Youth of our church. I first off add to that and say thank You for letting the Bunch children be at the party last night. I would love to see them at the youth party!! I was glad to start builing some sort of relationship with them. I want to see all of our youth grow in their faith in You, fall deeply in love with You and to chase after You all the days of their lives. I want to help them accomplish that. I want to be a mentor and an influence. I pray that they marry Godly spouses, serve You with joy and raise their children to know You. I ask that Father you help grow our High School ministry, especially in the life groups. I add to this too that Father You will send us a great life group leader for Apex. How awesome would that be to have someone who can and will love on the Apex youth! The harvest is ready, but we need to the workers!! Send them, please Lord!
I love You. I love Your grace and mercy that is so overflowing in my life! I am grateful for Your blessings that overflow and the way You provide. I thank You for teaching me and guiding me and picking me up when I fall. Thank You for helping me learn to trust my wife more and to learn how to be a better husband to her. Thank you for helping my marriage and growing us up!
AMEN
I do ask that you watch over Josh Edmonds grandpa and his grandma. He says it is the best example of a Godly marriage in his life and what him and Amy strive to be like.
I do ask that you help the doctors look for what is wrong and that they find it. I pray his procedure goes well and is performed quickly. I want to see him come through this for all the Edmonds sake.
I also thank you for a beautiful day, for feeling much better, though I am sick, my spirit is uplifted and I do not feel as exhausted. Thank you Lord! I am glad that I got some time with my wife last night and got a few minutes this morning with her. I love that girl.
I pray that you will use us in the ministry. I want to be used and I want her to be used. I want us to be used to make an impact for the Kingdom on the lives of the youth and the babies in our church. I want to bring someone to You and closer to You. I want to show someone what Your Son looks like and how Your Son lives and loves. I want my wife to do the same and that we can show and be an example to other young marriages what a marriage should look like and be. I want to enjoy my ministry with my wife and enjoy what I do with her in youth. Make us a couple of great faith, deep conviction strong in Your love and confident of Your promises.
Father, I do ask, please bring us a child of our own within two years. I would love to have a son or daughter of my own to love and hold. I want a child to share in Your glory with. What a celebration it will be!!!
Lord, watch over the High School Youth of our church. I first off add to that and say thank You for letting the Bunch children be at the party last night. I would love to see them at the youth party!! I was glad to start builing some sort of relationship with them. I want to see all of our youth grow in their faith in You, fall deeply in love with You and to chase after You all the days of their lives. I want to help them accomplish that. I want to be a mentor and an influence. I pray that they marry Godly spouses, serve You with joy and raise their children to know You. I ask that Father you help grow our High School ministry, especially in the life groups. I add to this too that Father You will send us a great life group leader for Apex. How awesome would that be to have someone who can and will love on the Apex youth! The harvest is ready, but we need to the workers!! Send them, please Lord!
I love You. I love Your grace and mercy that is so overflowing in my life! I am grateful for Your blessings that overflow and the way You provide. I thank You for teaching me and guiding me and picking me up when I fall. Thank You for helping me learn to trust my wife more and to learn how to be a better husband to her. Thank you for helping my marriage and growing us up!
AMEN
Friday, December 2, 2011
Fall on my knees
These words come to mind, though right now I take them more as a metaphor for where my heart should be. I am such a sinner. I am so muddy and dirty. I feel like a pig in slop, rolling around in filth, filth that I created. Why do I think I can do what I want and so callously do it. Where is my heart? Is my heart circumcised at all? Of course I would question my security as a believer when I do such awful sinful things. I hide it, I put a mask on and I do what I choose to do. My flesh tricks me. It wants what it craves. It wants what it craves so badly that it will lie to get it.
I could tell in my heart that there is some dark seed, sitting there...I need help Lord. Rescue me from myself, for I am in a dark spot right now. Anger, bitterness, lust (those leering looks) and just plain rebellion is running rampant in my life or so it seems. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, maybe...but instead I say, no, sin is sin and it is huge. A little bit of sin in a huge batch of dough corrupts the whole batch. I feel corrupted, oh Lord, do I ever...like this dark side is wanting out or taking over. It's possible I am exaggerating...but honestly this is how I feel without you!
How can I read my Bible, fall in love with Your words, feel compelled to live by them and then turn around and sin. Did I forget who I was? Did I turn away because I think my way is better? If there is any light to this dark, dank tunnel it is this: You. You are bigger than all my sin. You are bigger than the corrupt heart of any sinner. I do not want to taste Your goodness, and then forfeit all it's wonderful goodness and all its taste. I did mess up, yes, I did...my heart says to fall on my knees. It says to repent, to come humbly before you and give over my heart...to surrender and to share that I was so in the wrong....today is a new day...I want peace, I seek Your peace...I believe I know how you are telling me to get it. Lord, I am on my "knees" asking for forgiveness, knowing that You are faithful and just and will wash away my sin!
AMEN
I could tell in my heart that there is some dark seed, sitting there...I need help Lord. Rescue me from myself, for I am in a dark spot right now. Anger, bitterness, lust (those leering looks) and just plain rebellion is running rampant in my life or so it seems. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, maybe...but instead I say, no, sin is sin and it is huge. A little bit of sin in a huge batch of dough corrupts the whole batch. I feel corrupted, oh Lord, do I ever...like this dark side is wanting out or taking over. It's possible I am exaggerating...but honestly this is how I feel without you!
How can I read my Bible, fall in love with Your words, feel compelled to live by them and then turn around and sin. Did I forget who I was? Did I turn away because I think my way is better? If there is any light to this dark, dank tunnel it is this: You. You are bigger than all my sin. You are bigger than the corrupt heart of any sinner. I do not want to taste Your goodness, and then forfeit all it's wonderful goodness and all its taste. I did mess up, yes, I did...my heart says to fall on my knees. It says to repent, to come humbly before you and give over my heart...to surrender and to share that I was so in the wrong....today is a new day...I want peace, I seek Your peace...I believe I know how you are telling me to get it. Lord, I am on my "knees" asking for forgiveness, knowing that You are faithful and just and will wash away my sin!
AMEN
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Healing
Father,
I want to be healed and I know my wife does too. It seems so often lately that has been the big topic or talk. So many people have said that we should pray for healing or that they have been praying for healing. Mom and dad want to take Miranda to the Alliance Church for prayer, asking for healing as well. Her healing is much more important than mine. I do ask that Father you heal her, make her much better and for the bleeding to stop. It kills me to see her down and stressed, worrying about all the things that come with this right now. I ask that you do heal her because I know you are capable of it. You healed the blind, lepers, the woman with internal bleeding, the man who had his ear cut off...you raised the dead! I know power is there, even in the Spirit, but we are still told to ask. You tell us to pray and ask you and that when we ask in faith you shall give. Here we are, praying for healing. Will you hear our prayer? Is there something we are missing? If so, write it strong and hard on our hearts (even if it is a sin) so we know how to please you. We do know faith pleases you, so help us remove the doubts from our hearts. Heal us Lord....ultimately, we want to be parents. Without your healing, we can't do that...may You get the glory!
AMEN
I want to be healed and I know my wife does too. It seems so often lately that has been the big topic or talk. So many people have said that we should pray for healing or that they have been praying for healing. Mom and dad want to take Miranda to the Alliance Church for prayer, asking for healing as well. Her healing is much more important than mine. I do ask that Father you heal her, make her much better and for the bleeding to stop. It kills me to see her down and stressed, worrying about all the things that come with this right now. I ask that you do heal her because I know you are capable of it. You healed the blind, lepers, the woman with internal bleeding, the man who had his ear cut off...you raised the dead! I know power is there, even in the Spirit, but we are still told to ask. You tell us to pray and ask you and that when we ask in faith you shall give. Here we are, praying for healing. Will you hear our prayer? Is there something we are missing? If so, write it strong and hard on our hearts (even if it is a sin) so we know how to please you. We do know faith pleases you, so help us remove the doubts from our hearts. Heal us Lord....ultimately, we want to be parents. Without your healing, we can't do that...may You get the glory!
AMEN
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