If I know Different, then I ought to live Different he said. THe wisdom, dripping from his mouth as he said it. How true that is! If I know Truth, then I ought to live that Truth. If I control my feelings, then I ought to live in those moments where I know everything is at peace and alright because of my God. If I sin, I am wrong, I am a sinnger, but there is HOPe and a VICTORY. Did Christ die on the cross for defeat? Did He die for my ransom, my hope, my victory? I love sin, if I am honest. My desire to sin comes natural, easy to me, I want to give in. However Christ died to give me freedom. Christ died to give me victory and there is victory. If for over 5 years I have not gone to a strip club, I can claim it is only because of Him. The desire is there, still, but Christ is bigger and my desire for Him is bigger!
Christ, help me hate the sin in my life. Help me hate the fact that I desire sinful things. Help me love what and who You have given me. Give me the strength to love my wife today, to love her in great and amazing ways. Help me show her what a Godly husband looks like and be the man You want me to be to lead her. Help my say no to sin, but not just no, help me detest it. Help me see the error in sin, help me desire You so much more. Heal me, help me, lift me up, rescue me! You are a big and great God. If You are for me, then who could stop me? You are with me, who can stand against me? I need You because I hate having to be a sinner, yet I love it so much. I need You, I need you to build up a hatred in my heart for sin, a hared in my heart to turn my eyes away from You, away from my wife, away from the responsability you have charged me with. You are awesome in power.
AMEN
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Run to me Papa
Lord, do my tears count as worship today? These worries I have, being scared, unsure...does the fact I am here telling you this, does that count as worship? I have no doubt that you love me and I trust that You are a mighty God but why now do I cower, shake, tremble in these fears that Lord, right now life is tough? If Your affections are great for me, I ask, will that be enough? It sounds stupid realy, to ask, but am I not a finite, sinful child of Yours? Do I not struggle with these things? So many different things to be scared of and doesn't most of it tie into some sort of financial issue?
Lord, I want to be the most amazing husband I can be, the leader of this household but how can I be when it seems so tight. I know, I get it, I am putting my worth and value into how the cash flow is around the house, but next month it gets tight. Next month every cent matters and this seems somewhat new. Father, oh my precious Father I am so sorry for being scared. You know me though, You know how emotional I can be and how scared I can get. I am running to you now, crying out for you like the Prodigal Son and I just ask that You run to me and meet me. Hold me in You great big arms, love me, comfort me for God I am weak and I feel like I am barely holding on!
I love You. You are this God who sees me cry, who wipes the tears away, You hold me, You care for me. You laugh with me, hurt for me, You took the CROSS for me! You alone answer prayers. You alone know my future. You created me, I am Your workmenship! You crafted me, made plans for me and you created good works for me to fulfill for Your glory! Life is great and I miss out on so much of seeing that. When I struggle I am still blessed. I have so much but most of all I have You! Having You, a relationship, Your love, grace, mercy, salvation, and a promise is all I need.
I am running to Your arms Papa. Will You run to me like You always have? Run to me Papa...
AMEN
Lord, I want to be the most amazing husband I can be, the leader of this household but how can I be when it seems so tight. I know, I get it, I am putting my worth and value into how the cash flow is around the house, but next month it gets tight. Next month every cent matters and this seems somewhat new. Father, oh my precious Father I am so sorry for being scared. You know me though, You know how emotional I can be and how scared I can get. I am running to you now, crying out for you like the Prodigal Son and I just ask that You run to me and meet me. Hold me in You great big arms, love me, comfort me for God I am weak and I feel like I am barely holding on!
I love You. You are this God who sees me cry, who wipes the tears away, You hold me, You care for me. You laugh with me, hurt for me, You took the CROSS for me! You alone answer prayers. You alone know my future. You created me, I am Your workmenship! You crafted me, made plans for me and you created good works for me to fulfill for Your glory! Life is great and I miss out on so much of seeing that. When I struggle I am still blessed. I have so much but most of all I have You! Having You, a relationship, Your love, grace, mercy, salvation, and a promise is all I need.
I am running to Your arms Papa. Will You run to me like You always have? Run to me Papa...
AMEN
Friday, September 24, 2010
Christ is my Super Hero!
So the title is a little tacky but aren't super heroes here to protect you? Lord, is that not what you do? It doesn't matter what is going on, you are there, when I need You and even when I "don't." You come running, when I am scared, nervous, unsure, happy, joyful, etc. I love a God who has the power that You do.
Earlier today You and I chatted and I said I want a God who can discipline me when I sin. Such as, if I ever cheated on my wife, I would want you to take my ministry away, fire me from the church, make me earn that trust back. That is really scary; it's a thought that keeps me in check. Not because I want to run off and cheat but because You are such a big God! I mean BIG!!! You hold so much power in Your little finger and that alone makes me want to worship You! I want a God who cares enough about me that would take away one of the things I want/desire and value most. That is being a good parent, let alone a great God. I am no good without You. I get lost without You.
When I start to slip, when I want to sin, there You are, pulling me right back in, right back to You. Shoot, to steal a line from Sugarland's new song I want you to tell me that "we are stuck like glue." That would be a great thing! You make life worht living. You take the horrible things my life, the fights with my wife, the uncertainity of my decisions, my lust, my selfishness and every other sin and use them to build me up. You take the bad, turn it into good (Romans 8:28). You give me a life (John 10:10b). You make my heart beat, You knew me before I was born, Your hands created me. You take the sin in my life and use it to show me what I need to do to be like You. You give me chances to look like Your Son, to build character in me. Why would I want to leave You? You alone are worthy of worship!
Lord, I pray for James, the 9th grader I met today. It seems like You wanted to know if I was ready, even out of season. You had me home at the right time, You had him walking by with his lawnmower at the right time. You made sure I couldn't mow my lawn today, instead I washed the dogs. You gave me a chance to talk with the kid, invite him to church and youth group, to give me some extra money and our Starting Point card. I want to see something come out of this, to see him come to know You. I pray that he shows the card to his family, that he talks about his meeting me, that what You did through me, though it may seem little, you multiply and use to grow Your Kingdom!! Thank You for letting him live so far away so I could drive him and his mower home. Make something great come out of this.
Tomorrow is Adam's wedding. I love my best friend! I wish I was there and between You and I, I feel guilty for not being there. He is a good man and he always watched over me. He helped me grow up, was patient with me and helped me find my direction. I truly don't think he knows You though. He sees it more as a religion, not a relationship. He sees it more as going to church not as a lifetime/daily thing. His wife (as of tomorrow) is not a believer as well. Though her and I do not see eye to eye all the time, bring her to know You too. They both need You. They both, just as much as I do, need You. Lord, I know You love me, though I am not worthy. I beg You, I implore You, please, bring them into Your Kingdom. Break their hearts, melt that ice, open their eyes, etc. whatever it takes, help them see You and trust You.
Thank You my Old Friend, thank You for Your love, for freedom, for love!
AMEN
Earlier today You and I chatted and I said I want a God who can discipline me when I sin. Such as, if I ever cheated on my wife, I would want you to take my ministry away, fire me from the church, make me earn that trust back. That is really scary; it's a thought that keeps me in check. Not because I want to run off and cheat but because You are such a big God! I mean BIG!!! You hold so much power in Your little finger and that alone makes me want to worship You! I want a God who cares enough about me that would take away one of the things I want/desire and value most. That is being a good parent, let alone a great God. I am no good without You. I get lost without You.
When I start to slip, when I want to sin, there You are, pulling me right back in, right back to You. Shoot, to steal a line from Sugarland's new song I want you to tell me that "we are stuck like glue." That would be a great thing! You make life worht living. You take the horrible things my life, the fights with my wife, the uncertainity of my decisions, my lust, my selfishness and every other sin and use them to build me up. You take the bad, turn it into good (Romans 8:28). You give me a life (John 10:10b). You make my heart beat, You knew me before I was born, Your hands created me. You take the sin in my life and use it to show me what I need to do to be like You. You give me chances to look like Your Son, to build character in me. Why would I want to leave You? You alone are worthy of worship!
Lord, I pray for James, the 9th grader I met today. It seems like You wanted to know if I was ready, even out of season. You had me home at the right time, You had him walking by with his lawnmower at the right time. You made sure I couldn't mow my lawn today, instead I washed the dogs. You gave me a chance to talk with the kid, invite him to church and youth group, to give me some extra money and our Starting Point card. I want to see something come out of this, to see him come to know You. I pray that he shows the card to his family, that he talks about his meeting me, that what You did through me, though it may seem little, you multiply and use to grow Your Kingdom!! Thank You for letting him live so far away so I could drive him and his mower home. Make something great come out of this.
Tomorrow is Adam's wedding. I love my best friend! I wish I was there and between You and I, I feel guilty for not being there. He is a good man and he always watched over me. He helped me grow up, was patient with me and helped me find my direction. I truly don't think he knows You though. He sees it more as a religion, not a relationship. He sees it more as going to church not as a lifetime/daily thing. His wife (as of tomorrow) is not a believer as well. Though her and I do not see eye to eye all the time, bring her to know You too. They both need You. They both, just as much as I do, need You. Lord, I know You love me, though I am not worthy. I beg You, I implore You, please, bring them into Your Kingdom. Break their hearts, melt that ice, open their eyes, etc. whatever it takes, help them see You and trust You.
Thank You my Old Friend, thank You for Your love, for freedom, for love!
AMEN
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Irritations are what??
So Lord, I am irritated. Look, I think it is stupid to feel frustrated over little things. However, that anger, that irritation is real. It burns inside me, it's honest and here I am being honest with You about it. Though, what's the point with being upset? What does it gain? To be frustrated over something small, something out of my control, something that seems stupid, some rule or command just seems fruitless. I feel like it compares to a little man walking up to a redwood and yelling at it for growing so tall! God, being irritated and showing it (how easy I show my emotions) does not bring glory to You. How can I show someone Christ instead? Right now, I feel like I have some itch to argue, to go off, yell and scream, even to fight! God, what good is this for Your kingdom?? Is it not fruitless and sinful? Regardless what You're teaching me, I do not want to fail you. Give me some strength to fight through this and to please You through it. You want faithfulness not sacrifice. You want obedience through faith, then give me the faith I need to trust You so I can lay these irritations down at Your feet.
Father, I come before You too on behalf of my cousin Krislyn. She is hurting bad. They think they have the cancer beat but have to stick with Chemo for now. They do not want to have the cancer come back in a few years. She is hurting, dealing with so much pain and lately blisters and shingles. Lord, she needs you. Yes of course I want to ask You to take it all away, but Lord, You have plans for her. Strengthen her mind, body, immune system and faith. Be with her mom Kristina, for she is sacrificing so much for her family and to get Krislyn through all this. Love on them, keep them close to You and to each other. Help them have the financial support they need for all the bills and traveling costs. Lord I will trust You and I love You!! I thank You for watching over our family and all the love and comfort You bring is. Thank You for being my God and for all Your power and majesty. Thank You for being my King and allowing me a part into Your kingdom!
Amen
Father, I come before You too on behalf of my cousin Krislyn. She is hurting bad. They think they have the cancer beat but have to stick with Chemo for now. They do not want to have the cancer come back in a few years. She is hurting, dealing with so much pain and lately blisters and shingles. Lord, she needs you. Yes of course I want to ask You to take it all away, but Lord, You have plans for her. Strengthen her mind, body, immune system and faith. Be with her mom Kristina, for she is sacrificing so much for her family and to get Krislyn through all this. Love on them, keep them close to You and to each other. Help them have the financial support they need for all the bills and traveling costs. Lord I will trust You and I love You!! I thank You for watching over our family and all the love and comfort You bring is. Thank You for being my God and for all Your power and majesty. Thank You for being my King and allowing me a part into Your kingdom!
Amen
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
My Story
I want my story to be filled with praise to You. I want to end this life with an impact. I want to make that impact for you. I want to touch lives, but to touch them for Your kingdom. A Kingdom of God that is made complete in the hearts of men. I want to be apart of someone elses story, the part that has their life being changed by Your words coming out of my lips, out of my life. I want to bring them that living bread, that living water their soul needs.
I can say that I am not worthy, nor deserving, and it's true. However, it must be like the excuse everyone gives You. Instead let the words come out of my mouth be one that moves me and pleases You. I feel like I have a tough road ahead of me. I feel I have lost a step or two when it comes to my boldness. Why? You are a God who does not deserve that! You are a mighty God. My life is full of stories, monuments even, that testify how great You are.
Father, I love You. Forgive me for my sin of idol worship. Forgive me for turning my heart away from You. Forgive me for choosing my pride over You. Forgive for the days and weeks when I do not turn my eyes Your way. You are a holy God, a righteous God, a God who has compassion on me, how could I ever turn from You?
Father, stregthen my wife and I right now as we fight through our deepest desire. You know we want a child, we yearn for one. The deepest anquish we have right now is not having one, but You are a great God. With or without a baby, we trust You. We will follow You, and maybe this is a test of just that. I do not want to be bold as Peter and claim no matter what we will follow You, but I see how You broke Peter and then what You did in His life. Break me if You must, as scary as that can be, break me. If there is a reason why we can't have a child, may it be on my shoulders. I cannot fathom the pain it would cause my wife. I do not want to see her hurt so bad, instead let it be because of me, may I shield my wife, the love of my life.
Thank You for the opening of the church! I am excited Lord to see Starting Point come to life this weekend! No more preview services, this is it, the Pro's so to speak! May we impact the city of Raleigh for Your Kingdom. Bring the people who are hurting, weak and weary, who need You and give us the strength and joy to love on them all for Your sake!!
Amen
I can say that I am not worthy, nor deserving, and it's true. However, it must be like the excuse everyone gives You. Instead let the words come out of my mouth be one that moves me and pleases You. I feel like I have a tough road ahead of me. I feel I have lost a step or two when it comes to my boldness. Why? You are a God who does not deserve that! You are a mighty God. My life is full of stories, monuments even, that testify how great You are.
Father, I love You. Forgive me for my sin of idol worship. Forgive me for turning my heart away from You. Forgive me for choosing my pride over You. Forgive for the days and weeks when I do not turn my eyes Your way. You are a holy God, a righteous God, a God who has compassion on me, how could I ever turn from You?
Father, stregthen my wife and I right now as we fight through our deepest desire. You know we want a child, we yearn for one. The deepest anquish we have right now is not having one, but You are a great God. With or without a baby, we trust You. We will follow You, and maybe this is a test of just that. I do not want to be bold as Peter and claim no matter what we will follow You, but I see how You broke Peter and then what You did in His life. Break me if You must, as scary as that can be, break me. If there is a reason why we can't have a child, may it be on my shoulders. I cannot fathom the pain it would cause my wife. I do not want to see her hurt so bad, instead let it be because of me, may I shield my wife, the love of my life.
Thank You for the opening of the church! I am excited Lord to see Starting Point come to life this weekend! No more preview services, this is it, the Pro's so to speak! May we impact the city of Raleigh for Your Kingdom. Bring the people who are hurting, weak and weary, who need You and give us the strength and joy to love on them all for Your sake!!
Amen
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Life is no Nintendo Game
I am amazed with You Lord. I sit back and watch You Lord do amazing and awesome things. You listen, You follow-through, You love and comfort. This is somewhat of a scary time for me, in my life, and I watch You just lead the way. If I lead, I fall, I die, I wither away, because without You in control, life just spins out of control. Game Over for me!
I love the way You show me Your truth. You show us in the most incredible ways how You listen, how tender You are with what we have going on in our lives. I loved reading in Pslams yesterday the verse, repeated over and over and over, let me stress, over and over again that Your love endures forever. It does, doesn't it? Funny how just listening, and how quickly You came through, how that shows Your love.
I can't live without You, I can't face my demons or hold my ground without You. My life could never have been complete without You. I remember those darkd ays in college when I felt broken. Not just a little broken, but I was desperately broken, heart-wrenching, in the gut, completely dead, broken. Life was bleak, and that was just a hopeful outlook on it. You looked down upon me and smiled. You held me those nights on the couch and promised me something incredible. I see how You have answered: a wife who loves You, a wife who has grown in her walk with You. An awesome church to work at, with a great mentor to lead, a great mentor back home in Pastor Doug and the new friends in Jay and Chief. You promised me those nights that You would stay by my side and You have, over 7 years now. Seven years You have been faithful! I must rejoice in You for that! 7 Years of life, 7 years of joy, through everything! Your love endures, not just for 7 years, but forever!
Amen
I love the way You show me Your truth. You show us in the most incredible ways how You listen, how tender You are with what we have going on in our lives. I loved reading in Pslams yesterday the verse, repeated over and over and over, let me stress, over and over again that Your love endures forever. It does, doesn't it? Funny how just listening, and how quickly You came through, how that shows Your love.
I can't live without You, I can't face my demons or hold my ground without You. My life could never have been complete without You. I remember those darkd ays in college when I felt broken. Not just a little broken, but I was desperately broken, heart-wrenching, in the gut, completely dead, broken. Life was bleak, and that was just a hopeful outlook on it. You looked down upon me and smiled. You held me those nights on the couch and promised me something incredible. I see how You have answered: a wife who loves You, a wife who has grown in her walk with You. An awesome church to work at, with a great mentor to lead, a great mentor back home in Pastor Doug and the new friends in Jay and Chief. You promised me those nights that You would stay by my side and You have, over 7 years now. Seven years You have been faithful! I must rejoice in You for that! 7 Years of life, 7 years of joy, through everything! Your love endures, not just for 7 years, but forever!
Amen
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Feelin' so Fly
I can't help but want to glorify my God that's so high! I don't want a day to go by without me giving Him praise! I do feel fly! I feel so fly, I can't deny...so enough with my rapping, but my point is this: I have an amazing God and I am thankful to be counted as His child!
Finally, my computer is back and I can blog again!! Oh how I have missed this, how I have missed just getting my thoughts and prayers out there into cyberspace! There wasn't a day that went by where I missed having this opportunity to blog!
So, life is great right now, yet I sin. I struggle with things that make me flee my God yet He chases after me like the Good Shepherd. He sees me stray and comes after me! He must love me, He really must! I have seen Him be so faithful and now as I struggle Lord, wanting a child of my own, a child to love, to hold, to teach, to share with that child about all of Your glories, I still know You're faithful.
Your affections for me are great, Your faithfulness is of great fame. You were faithful to Abraham and Sarah. You made them wait 25 years, and wow, was it worth it! You blessed the nations through their seed. So, I do not need the line of David and the Messiah to be in my future seeds, I do want a child. Just turning 28 years old a few weeks ago and having no child just killed me. Though this may be, I refuse to think You're a cruel and unjust God. You have Your reasons which as far above my own. You know what You're doing though I may not see or always understand that. Am I God that I can see the future? No, nor do I want to be, I will let God stay on His throne and I will stay faithful and trusting to the God I know that loves me more than anything (Romans 8 & 5:8). If His affections for me are great, then how can lose faith?
My heart goes out to my nephews as well. They need You God and are so desperate for You and I don't think they truly see that. They need You and I pray that they give their lives over to You, completely. I pray that they make You their Lord and live a life of abundence in the palm of Your hand, where no one can snatch them. You love them, You created them, yet they are not Your children. I pray You become their Father.
Thank You Lord for Your faithfulness and Your affections. I am lost without you and I cannot dare exist without Your image reflected in me. Thank You for Your faithfulness in every area of my life. You make like worth living, and yet You are worth dying for! Forgive me for my sin, the sin I commit willing and unknowlingly. You are worthy of a life that is completely devoted to You and yet I do not always give that. You deserve all my life and breath! Thank You for being my God, the only true and living God.
AMEN
Finally, my computer is back and I can blog again!! Oh how I have missed this, how I have missed just getting my thoughts and prayers out there into cyberspace! There wasn't a day that went by where I missed having this opportunity to blog!
So, life is great right now, yet I sin. I struggle with things that make me flee my God yet He chases after me like the Good Shepherd. He sees me stray and comes after me! He must love me, He really must! I have seen Him be so faithful and now as I struggle Lord, wanting a child of my own, a child to love, to hold, to teach, to share with that child about all of Your glories, I still know You're faithful.
Your affections for me are great, Your faithfulness is of great fame. You were faithful to Abraham and Sarah. You made them wait 25 years, and wow, was it worth it! You blessed the nations through their seed. So, I do not need the line of David and the Messiah to be in my future seeds, I do want a child. Just turning 28 years old a few weeks ago and having no child just killed me. Though this may be, I refuse to think You're a cruel and unjust God. You have Your reasons which as far above my own. You know what You're doing though I may not see or always understand that. Am I God that I can see the future? No, nor do I want to be, I will let God stay on His throne and I will stay faithful and trusting to the God I know that loves me more than anything (Romans 8 & 5:8). If His affections for me are great, then how can lose faith?
My heart goes out to my nephews as well. They need You God and are so desperate for You and I don't think they truly see that. They need You and I pray that they give their lives over to You, completely. I pray that they make You their Lord and live a life of abundence in the palm of Your hand, where no one can snatch them. You love them, You created them, yet they are not Your children. I pray You become their Father.
Thank You Lord for Your faithfulness and Your affections. I am lost without you and I cannot dare exist without Your image reflected in me. Thank You for Your faithfulness in every area of my life. You make like worth living, and yet You are worth dying for! Forgive me for my sin, the sin I commit willing and unknowlingly. You are worthy of a life that is completely devoted to You and yet I do not always give that. You deserve all my life and breath! Thank You for being my God, the only true and living God.
AMEN
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