"I Desire Mercy, Not Sacrifice"

Jesus, You love me. Out of my heart comes evil. I am unclean. Lust and bitterness, silence and not living up to the victory You earned for me. All Champions have duties, responsibilities to follow and perform. As a victor in Christ, the victory You won for me at the cross, I must live clean. I must live a life worthy of the gospel as Paul says. You say You desire mercy, do I give it? You desire compassion, do I have it? Do I live a life worthy of the CROSS You died on?

John said it best "I must decrease so You may increase." If You increase then my life is worthy of the cross. If You increase, then my life, is worthy of championship status. You love me, You chased me, You bled for me. You are worth decreasing for.

What I love is that if I run away from You, well, You are everywhere! As far as I run, all I am doing is running back to You. I can't escape You! I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me. Oh Lord, You love me! You love me!

Today Father, I pray and give You praise. Nicole is pregnant, with a girl! I will be a great uncle again! How awesome for them! She is also now a member of Starting Point! Ian is serving with the tech team! How awesome to see them become closer to You. Your Son was right when He said all things are possible with God (Matthew 19). Father, I mean it, thank You. But Father, if I may ask: why not Miranda and I? Why am I not a father yet? Why is this such s driving concern right now or such a strong desire? I don't want to hold onto this, but with so many friends of ours pregnant or just had babies, well, it's hard not to desire this so strongly! I need You right now to hold me together. I need You right now to be my strength!

I know though my best friend, Anthony and his wife to be need You too! I so badly want to see Anthony have a great and strong relationship with You! I want to see him in Heaven, to have eternity with him, for him to have eternity with Your Son. I am feeling very bold, very ready to share the Cross, Christ, His blood, His sacrifice because Father, I need to have compassion on Him, to love Him, to share what You did with Him. Prepare His heart for You. Watch over him and Cindy and little Kya. They have a lot going on with custody and with a new puppy and preparing for a wedding. Lord, I want to see them succeed, for Kya to be safe, protected, loved on and cared for. Give Anthony the strength to lead her as a father of sorts and Cindy the patience and guidance to be a good momma.

I love You. I honestly do, Lord, You love me, and I am grateful. All things are possible with You. Give me mercy and prepare me to give mercy to others.
AMEN

Back Again

It's been over a month since I have been on here last and that's my fault. God, I stand before You as a grateful man undeserving of Your presence. I have every reason though to crave Your presence. My life is full with You, complete, whole, altogether wonderful and without You i is darkness, confusion, lost, hopeless. There is no in between with You, and I would have it no other way. You are this God who listens and loves. You chase me, You run after me. You embrace me and laugh with me! You challenge me and You ask me to grow. You don't quit on me and You don't let me quit either! You don't ask for my best but You ask me to give me all. You say that my all is what You want and my best is found in You.
You are this God outside of time. You have no constraints. What holds You back? Nothing, for nothing is better, bigger or stronger than You. I can rejoice in who You are. I can sing loudly and with pride, with joy and satisfaction that You are my God.

How can life be better without You? It can't because You are the ultimate source of joy. When times get tough, You are my hope. When things look great, You are my hope. You don't leave me, You don't disappoint me. You won the victory, You won it on the cross and what do you ask in return? You ask for what You deserve, a repentant heart and a life given over to You. You break the chains that hold me down, the chains of sin and despair. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You are Great. You are Mighty! I can sit here and smile because I know You are so kind, gentle and caring but You are strong, tough and chastise me when I need it. I fail, I sin, I struggle. I give into temptation. You give me the strength to overcome it, You give me hope in the future, You tell me about Your sacrifice and the reasons why I can say no. You are stronger. You are a friend of the Sinners. You found me, You reached out to me! You are Beautiful. You are absolutely Beautiful!

Messing my life up...

I feel like you are asking a lot of me right now. You are trying to disturb me, to mess things up...this is no complaint, it is merely a thought based on Your character, Your Word, Your Son's life...I desire to be a fanatic, a radical, one who chases after You with all their heart. I feel unsure of so much right now. I feel pulled in different directions and all these voices speak to me, telling me to go after this or that. They aren't bad things to chase after, but these things, I don't know if they are Your will either.

I know I would love to buy a house, but are You asking me to stay where I am right now for a reason? Is there a reason why right now I feel You telling me to stay put and be happy? It's not that my desire for a house is a sinful desire, but I wonder, does this mean I am not content with what You have given me? Do I desire it more for my wife, as a husband I want to give her great things!

AM I to stay at East Cary for another year if they will have me? Am I to leave and go for full-time ministry right now? My ultimate desire is full-time ministry indeed! Why do these things have to be tough?

I want to live my life following You, trusting You, living a life of a fanatic! I want to be devoted to You and I have to ask myself, am I doing that? DO I only highlight parts of the Bible I want to follow? Parts that I want to live out? Am I a fanatic who follows everything You have to say and offer?

Disturb me Father, that is my prayer, disturb me and form me into a Radical, a Fanatic, one who is covered in the dust of Your Son's sandles!
AMEN

Thanksgiving

Lord I thank You for:

Life
Breath
A house
2 cars
my wife
my dogs
I can see, smell, taste, feel, hear
I have a job teaching
I have a job as a youth pastor
I am from Michigan ;)
I have you as my Lord and Savoir
You died on the cross for me
I am an America (meaning I have so many blessings and opportunities)
I am safe
I have clothes
I am not homeless
I do not have any major diseases.
I have a computer
I have a PS3
I have good friends
Anthony is my best friend
I will be in Jay's wedding this year
I will perform Erica's and Coles wedding
that I have a family that loves me
Your constant provision
that You lead my life
that You chose to save me, to rescue me, to give me a purpose
You provide my emotional and mental needs
that You got me through college
that You got me through bad relationships
that You forgive my sin,
that You restore me unto salvation
keeping Your promises
for Your Son Jesus
for interns
for interning at Hope
for Chris Hankins
for helping me grow in my marriage
for a loving wife
for an amazing mom
for rescuing my dad!!!!
for everything I can't think of
the fact that I can walk
I can speak
I can move
I can drive
I can eat
that I am not allergic to shellfish or wool
that I am not a diabetic
that I have a membership at Planet Fitness
for movies and games
for places to go
for Raleigh

I thank You for being You!
AMEN

You love me for me

Tonight Lord, I thank You just for the fact that You are God. You are my God. You pour out grace and mercy on me. You answer prayers that have been given from over 2 to 3 years ago. You show me that though I am a sinner, you love me. You hold me, keep me warm, reasure me and protect me.

I bring you praise, the joy of my heart because though I am nothing, truly I am not righteous, I am not worthy, for my righteousness is like dirty rags to you and I epically fail in comparison to Your Son. Yet You notice me, You love me, You turn to me and You listen, You hold, You guide and help. How could I ever choose anything but you?? Where would I be without you?

You are a God who knows the future, who guided the past, who loves the unloveable. You are the God that has compassion on us, You look at us and see we are sheep without a Shepherd. You sent Your Son to die on a rugged cross for us, to restore a relationship with us. You rescued us! You sent us Your Holy Spirit to do greater works in us than Christ did. It is You that move within us. You are a mighty God who deserves everything we can offer, our very breath! Tonight I ask you to forgive me, to cleanse me and to use me. Forgive me for not being bold when I need to be. You are a mighty God!
AMEN

Salvation is a Good Friend

I can't sleep tonight! Too much on my mind perhaps, or I am just used to being tracked out and able to stay up so late! Either way, here I am Lord. Listening to bluegrass music, wanting to blog, to pray and grateful for you. Who am I to argue with You? Life is great and worth living because of You. I would rather be here, now, up, then in bed, letting my mind wander to sinful things. I have salvation through Your Son and I am an heir! How amazing is that?

I thank You for my friends, for my church, for my youth, for Facebook, for this house, these dogs, freedom, Your mercy and grace. I thank You for hot showers and clean water. I thank You for my car, for my clothes, for the food you provide, for my family, for everything. EVERYTHING. Regardless of my situation, through peaceful times and the rough, through the rain and storms or sunny weather You are my God and I am forever grateful! Thank You Lord.

AMEN

Here is Our King

Today Lord, I thank You for being my God. I thank you for a great night out with my wife last night! I thank you for the two interns I have working with our youth! I thank You for the opportunity to teach a 3-week class on prayer and I thank you for Your love and grace. I thank You for our house, for our dogs and for our family. I thank You for being our KING! I thank you for a good breakfast and a chance to serve You by doing demolition work today!

I ask that You watch over me, speak to me, give me wisdom in how to handle the various situations I will see come about in the lives of my youth. I ask that you strengthen me when I need to be tough and to discipline and help me be gentle and loving when compassion, mercy and grace are in order. Help me be a loving and faithful husband. Lord, I do not want to incur Your wrath, not be rebuked, though if I step out of line, as my loving Father, I ask that you do rebuke and discipline me.

I pray that Jay and Eva's wedding will be amazing this summer and that You will bring Anthony to a full relationship with Your Son. I pray that His relationship with Cindy will help lead to that but that also it will be good for his heart too. I ask that You watch over my wife and be there to guide her growth and her walk in You.

Finally, I beseech You Lord, please give us a child. We love You and we want to share our love with our own child.

Thank You Lord,
AMEN